Ah, the age-old question of who should pay on the first date. In days gone by, the guy would do the courting and pay for the woman, but we’re in the 21st century now, and women can vote, drive, and have bank accounts (shocking, we know!) So, in modern dating, who picks up the tab?
Unfortunately, there’s no clear-cut answer to this question, but there are some basic, unspoken rules that can help you work out who should be paying when you go on a first date.
Ultimately, this is something that should be discussed before you meet up to make sure everyone’s on the same page and the night goes smoothly!
So, prepare for your next date by learning how to handle the weirdly taboo topic of who pays for the first date.
Who Pays on the First Date?
Who pays on the first date? It’s a classic question. Our take? Whoever asked the other person out should be ready to cover the bill – it’s just a nice gesture since it was their idea.
That said, every situation is different, and having a quick chat about it beforehand can save you both from any awkward moments. At the end of the day, it’s all about open communication and making sure both of you have a great time!
Remember, if it was your idea to go on the date, there’s no reality in which you shouldn’t be paying at least half the bill! Asking someone out then avoiding the bill is among the top things you shouldn’t do when dating.
Should a Guy Pay on the First Date?
Since we’re in the 21st century, there’s no reason why the guy has to pay for a first date any more. In fact, we’d recommend not relying on the man to pay for you if you’re a woman and to have open discussions about who’s paying if you’re the man.
If the guy initiates the date, he should expect to pay, and if he’s willing to cover everything in the name of chivalry or being a gentleman, then it’s fine to let him if you’re comfortable with it.
You can read more about whether a man should Pay For Everything in a Relationship in our in-depth blog post.
Can Women Pay on the First Date?
Of course! If you have the means to pay for yourself or both of you, then there’s no reason why you can’t. Again, if you asked him out, you should be covering the date anyway because it was your idea!
Many women feel more comfortable paying their way, especially on a first date, because they don’t feel like they’re being pressured into “owing” their date anything in return.
If splitting the bill and paying your way makes you more comfortable, then you’re right to advocate for that.
| To keep everyone feeling safe and comfortable, it’s best to state your intention to cover your half upfront before you meet up. |
Is It a Red Flag if They Refuse to Pay?
If your date completely refuses to pay for the first date, or any date, it can be a big red flag! Refusing to pay their way shows they expect you to bankroll the dating process and essentially pay for their time.
Being short on money from time to time is okay, but steadfastly refusing to pay for any future dates or dinners shouldn’t be ignored, no matter how great they may seem in other aspects of life. A relationship is a partnership and one person shouldn’t be paying for everything.
Do You Split the Bill on the First Date?
If you’re Dutch, there’s no point asking this question, as splitting the bill is the default. If you’re not from The Netherlands, this is a fair question to ask and the only one that can answer it properly is your date.
It’s perfectly reasonable and increasingly common for people to split the bill on the first date.
It stops expectations from becoming muddied and keeps the dynamic on equal footing, which can make everyone feel more comfortable and relaxed during the date.
What About Including Tips?
Whether you include tips in the split bill is entirely up to you. Because we don’t have the same tipping culture as in the States, whether you tip or not is entirely up to you.
If you want to tip, whether you’ve split the bill or not, feel free to do so. Just make sure you’re not trying to rope your date into splitting a tip if they don’t want to.
| If you’re a big tipper when you dine out, and it turns out your date isn’t, it’s up to you to make a judgement call about their character. However, try not to make it a big deal at the table because it can make your servers very uncomfortable. |
How to Decide Who Pays the Bill According to Our Experts
Figuring out who pays the bill on a date can feel a bit tricky, but it really depends on the situation. Here are a few things to think about when deciding:
- Who Planned the Date: If one person did the asking, it’s often expected they’ll offer to pay. That said, it’s not a strict rule – so don’t be afraid to have a quick chat about it.
- The Venue: Did someone pick the place or make the plans? They might consider covering the bill as a way to show appreciation for taking the lead.
- Power Dynamics: Be mindful of any power imbalance, like a big age gap or a professional hierarchy. In those cases, the person with more influence might offer to pay to help the other feel more at ease.
- Talk About It: At the end of the day, just have a simple conversation! Being upfront means no awkward assumptions, and you can agree on what works best for both of you.
In the end, who pays isn’t as important as making sure both people feel comfortable and appreciated. A little communication goes a long way!
Who Should Initiate the Conversation about Paying on the First Date?
Talking about who pays on a first date can feel a little tricky, but it’s always a good idea to bring it up together. A quick chat about it – either before the date or while you’re out – can make things so much less awkward.
Taking the time to discuss it shows respect and helps keep things comfortable for both of you.
At the end of the day, good communication is the key to a great date!
How to Navigate Paying for the First Date in the Moment
If you haven’t spoken about who’s paying on the first date, or you don’t want to just sit there and ignore the presence of the bill, there are a few things you can do to make this moment less awkward.
#1 The Fake Purse Grab
This is a classic move! When the bill comes, even if you’ve agreed they’ll pick up the bill, go to grab your purse as a gesture. This allows your date to decline your “kind offer” and pay the tab. This can give them a bit of an ego boost in front of your server and it shows you didn’t expect them to just pay for you.
| This move can backfire if you haven’t discussed bill payment prior to the date, so if you go for this one, be prepared to back it up by having the money to at least split the bill. |
#2 Excusing Yourself to the Bathroom
Instead of you both sitting and staring awkwardly at the bill, you can make the process a whole lot simpler by excusing yourself to the bathroom when you see the waiter heading your way with the bill.
Generally, your date will just handle the bill while you’re gone, which avoids the theatrical back and forth of you both graciously offering to pay.
#3 Asking for the Bill Yourself
Of course, it’s not all about avoiding paying the bill. When you and your date are ready to leave, asking for the bill yourself can be a power move. It lets your server know you’re the one to give the bill to, which can make it easier to just pick up the tab and head home or move onto your next venue, depending on how the date is going.
Taking charge of the bill can be really attractive for both sexes, so don’t be afraid to take control of the situation, make the first move, and show that you’re more than willing to pay your own way.
Summary: Should You Pick Up the Bill or Go Dutch?
Deciding whether to pick up the bill or split it really comes down to the people and the vibe of the date. Either way, it can still be a great experience!
Some like to keep things equal by taking turns or going Dutch, while others enjoy the gesture of one person covering the tab. The important thing is to communicate and make sure both of you feel comfortable and respected.
Stay cool, calm, and collected on your first date with our expert’s top tips for keeping first-date nerves at bay.
FAQs
Should You Always Take Money on a Date?
Absolutely! Even if your date has every intention of paying, you should always have a form of payment on you.
They may have an issue with their card, they might change their mind, or you might want to get a taxi to leave whenever you want if it’s not going well!
Should a Woman Offer to Pay on the First Date?
In modern dating, it’s polite for the woman to offer to pay on the first date (if she asked you out, she should be paying anyway!). Just remember that if you offer to pay, it should be sincere, and you should be prepared to pay your half if they take you up on it.
Is it OK to Not Pay on the First Date?
Of course. If your date insists on picking up the bill for you, it’s okay to oblige. Just remember that you don’t owe them anything because they bought you dinner or drinks. You also shouldn’t refuse to pay on the first date unless this has been agreed upon before you meet up.
Should You Pay for Someone if You Ask Them on a Date?
If you instigated the date, the polite thing to do is to pay for both of you. If they offer to go Dutch and cover their half, that’s great, but it shouldn’t be expected. So, make sure you have the funds to cover the bill and opt for the cheaper food and drink if your budget is a bit tight.