Lots of us have been in a situation where it feels like we’ve been dating for a lifetime, and wondering how many dates you should’ve had before making it official is only natural. But what actually is that number?
In This Guide:
- How Long Should You Date Someone Before Making It Official?
- What is the 10-Date Rule & Should You Follow It?
- 5 Things to Consider Before Making a Relationship Official
- Is Being Exclusive and Being Official Different?
- How to Have the "Official" Talk
- When Should You Introduce Them to Friends & Family?
- Final Thoughts: When to Make a Relationship Official
- FAQs
First things first, if someone wants to be with you, they’ll make it plain and clear right off the bat.
But if it feels like this ‘special someone’ is making things way more complicated than they need to be, it might be time to call it quits.
The ‘normal’ number of dates or length of time you’ve been seeing each other depends on both of you as individuals. Your intentions, relationship ideals, and emotional availability can all play a factor in how quickly you want to move things forward — we’ve got more on this later.
But the important thing is that both parties are on the same page and have an understanding of where the relationship is heading.
If you find yourself constantly questioning the status or future of your relationship, it might be a sign that things aren’t progressing as they should be.
What Does “Official” Mean in a Relationship?
When we talk about being “official” in a relationship we mean you and your partner have agreed to be exclusive and are on the same page about your relationship status.
It’s usually a sign things are getting more serious, and you’ve set some boundaries and expectations together.
How Long Should You Date Someone Before Making It Official?
You might be asking this question because you’ve fallen hard for someone. Or, you might have been seeing someone for months and wondering if it’s actually going to go anywhere.
But the answer is the same: there’s no set timeline.
It’s common for people to privately set themselves a 3-month mark, and if they don’t feel like the relationship is progressing in a positive direction by then, they’ll likely end things. So you could use this as your guide.
Then, there’s the 10-date rule. But, again, how long it takes to reach that point varies.
You should have communicated your intentions with each other at the start of dating, which should give you an inkling as to how slow or quickly things will go.
Ultimately, it’s not about how long you’ve been together but the quality of your relationship and where you see it going. Think about how well you communicate, how much trust you’ve built, and whether you can genuinely see a future together.
That being said, we would start to have some serious question marks about this person if you’ve been dating for 6+ months without any indication of where things are headed. You might just have found yourself a serial dater.
What is the 10-Date Rule & Should You Follow It?
The 10-Date Rule is a simple dating guideline that suggests waiting until you’ve gone on at least 10 dates before defining the relationship as serious or exclusive.
The idea is to give both people enough time to really get to know each other and see if they’re compatible — without rushing into anything.
Say you go on 1 to 2 dates a week, that would give you around 2 to 3 months of dating before making any decisions. This can be a good amount of time to see if you have chemistry, share values and goals, and truly enjoy each other’s company.
What’s Wrong With the 10-Date Rule?
However, the 10-Date Rule is not without its flaws.
Some people may need more or less time to feel ready for a serious commitment.
Things like comfort levels, life circumstances, and the connection you share all play a part.
Some couples might be ready to make it exclusive after 3 dates. But from the perspective of another person, they might need 15 dates before they can fully give themselves to someone.
Maybe they had a bad experience in the past and need more time to build trust. Or maybe they have a busy schedule and can only see each other once a week.
So while the 10-Date Rule can be a helpful guideline, it’s important to also listen to your own intuition and feelings, as well as communicate openly with your partner.
Don’t feel pressured to rush into anything just because of an arbitrary rule. If you want to slow things down and wait a bit, that’s fine, too.
5 Things to Consider Before Making a Relationship Official
So, we can’t give you a definitive number of dates or length of time, how do you tell when it’s time to make your relationship official?
We’ve broken it down into 5 key steps, so you can envision your relationship on different stepping stones to determine whereabouts you are on your journey to becoming an official couple.
Stage One: Connection in the First Stages
In the early stages of a relationship, the connection you build is so important for what’s to come. This is the time when everything feels exciting — you’re getting to know each other, exploring values, interests, and how you both communicate.
Pay attention to how natural your conversations feel and how comfortable you are together.
A strong connection early on often means emotional compatibility, mutual respect, and a shared understanding. All the good stuff that makes a relationship healthy and happy.
On the flip side, if things feel forced or there’s no real spark, it could be a sign that deeper compatibility might be tricky down the road.
Stage Two: Judging Your Compatibility
Before making things official, it’s important to check your compatibility without those rose-tinted glasses.
It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship and ignore red flags or tell yourself that differences won’t matter. But once the initial honeymoon phase fades, those differences can stand out and lead to conflicts or frustration.
Take a step back and be honest with yourself about their values, habits, and behaviours. This way, you can decide if the relationship has long-term potential.
Stage Three: Transitioning to Exclusive Dating
There’s a huge difference between dating multiple people and being in an official relationship with someone. That’s where exclusive dating comes in!
Simply transitioning from casually dating around to exclusively dating each other is the perfect step to take before deciding to commit and make things official.
Showing each other you can commit to only being romantic and sexual with each other provides the perfect segue into a beautiful relationship.
Stage Four: Testing Your Bedroom Chemistry
Mum, dad, close your ears and eyes. Figuring out your sexual chemistry is an important part of building a strong, lasting relationship.
Physical intimacy helps deepen emotional connections and shows whether you and your partner are truly compatible. By exploring this side of your relationship early on, you can see if your desires, boundaries, and expectations line up.
Having open conversations during this time can make both of you feel more comfortable and avoid misunderstandings down the road.
Real compatibility isn’t just about emotions or shared interests — making sure you click in the bedroom can help set a solid foundation for your future together.
Stage Five: Making Concrete Plans for the Future
When you and your partner start talking about real plans for the future, like where you might live together or trips you want to take, it’s a pretty clear sign things are getting serious.
These kinds of conversations show you’re both committed to building a life together and making sure your goals line up. It also means you’re ready to put in the effort to make the relationship last.
If you’ve reached this point, it’s safe to say the trust and connection between you are strong, and it might just be the perfect time to make things official.
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Is Being Exclusive and Being Official Different?
Yes, being exclusive and being official are definitely different, even though they’re pretty closely related.
- Being exclusive usually means you and your partner have agreed not to see other people and are focusing on each other. But it doesn’t always mean you’ve put a label on it, like calling each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
- Being official, on the other hand, takes it a step further. It means you’ve had “the talk” and defined the relationship, making things clear and often more serious. It’s about being on the same page emotionally and possibly even sharing your commitment with others.
When Should You Go Exclusive With Someone?
Deciding when to go exclusive with someone is totally personal and depends on your unique relationship. Some people are ready after just a few dates, while others might need more time to build trust and a connection.
The most important thing? Talk about it. Be open with your partner about how you’re feeling and what you both want to make sure you’re on the same page.
Pay attention to signs like consistent effort, mutual respect, and shared values — those are big clues you’re building something strong.
How to Have the “Official” Talk
Talking about making your relationship official can feel like a big step, but timing and approach make all the difference. It’s important to bring it up when things already feel stable and committed so it doesn’t come out of nowhere.
Pick a moment when you’re both relaxed and not distracted, maybe during a quiet evening together. Try using “I” statements to share how you feel, like, “I really like where this is going, and I feel ready to make things official between us.”
This keeps the conversation honest and avoids putting too much pressure on them. Be sure to really listen to what they have to say so you’re both on the same page.
When Should You Introduce Them to Friends & Family?
Introducing your partner to friends and family is a big step, but it’s important to remember that these two introductions can feel pretty different.
- Meeting your friends is usually more laid-back and gives your partner a chance to see the people you hang out with socially.
- Meeting family, on the other hand, tends to feel more serious and significant, kind of like a formal step in your relationship.
That’s why it’s usually a good idea to wait until you’re officially a couple before bringing them into the mix. It helps avoid any awkwardness or confusion about where you stand and makes the whole experience more comfortable.
Final Thoughts: When to Make a Relationship Official
Every relationship is different, so there’s no set timeline for working out how many dates before relationships become official. Some couples are ready in just a few weeks, while others take months to build that deeper connection.
Communicate openly and make sure you’re both on the same page. This guide can help you reflect on your feelings, figure out your compatibility, and decide when the timing feels right. No need to rush — when it works for you and your partner, that’s all that matters!
You can find more relationship advice and tips on the Finding The One blog.
FAQs
How Many Dates Before a Man Falls in Love?
There’s no set number, as every man is different. Falling in love depends on personal experiences, connection, and emotional readiness. Some may feel it after a few dates, while for others, it might take weeks or months to develop.
Can You Be Exclusive After 5 Dates?
Sure, you can be exclusive after 5 dates if you both feel a strong connection and are ready to commit. The key is to talk about it openly, make sure you’re on the same page, and that the timing feels right for both of you.
Are We in a Relationship or Just Dating?
It depends on the level of communication and mutual understanding. If you’ve expressed intentions to commit and share exclusivity, you’re likely in a relationship. Otherwise, you’re still casually dating and getting to know each other.
How to Know if They’re Your Match?
If they share your values, make you feel understood, and you enjoy each other’s company, they may be your match. Look for emotional compatibility, trust, and mutual respect as key indicators of a strong connection.