Going through a breakup is always difficult for both partners, whether they want the relationship to end or not. But sometimes breakups aren’t as final as they seem. We can’t just turn our feelings on and off like a switch, which leaves room for unfinished business.
If you’ve been wondering if your ex is still holding onto hope for a reconciliation, here are 27 signs that may indicate they are waiting for you to come back – and what you should do about it.
| 27 signs your ex is waiting for you to come back: 1. Maintaining regular contact (or trying to) 2. Asking mutual friends about you 3. Staying single 4. Frequent social media contact 5. Holding onto your belongings 6. They’re open about missing you 7. Maintaining contact on special occasions 8. Keeping track of your life 9. Using “us” and “we” in conversations 10. Apologising and taking responsibility for past wrongs 11. Exhibiting jealousy towards a new relationship 12. Giving nostalgic gifts 13. Maintaining close proximity to you 14. Showing personal growth 15. Offering or seeking emotional support 16. They drop by unannounced 17. Bringing up inside jokes 18. Sending meaningful messages 19. Sending drunk messages 20. Trying to make you jealous 21. Being protective of you 22. They’re willing to discuss the issues in your relationship 23. They show patience and understanding 24. They haven’t moved on 24. They want to meet up 25. Making sentimental social media posts 26. Expressing hope for the future |
27 Telltale Signs Your Ex Isn’t Over You
There are so many things that show your ex isn’t over you. We’ve picked out 27 of the most common signs that can let you know your ex is waiting for you to come back to them. If you find that your ex is showing any of these signs, you’ll have to decide how you want to move forward with your relationship.
So, let’s dive into it.
1) Maintaining Regular Contact
When we break up, it’s ideal to cut ties and go no contact for a while to heal and move on. However, if your ex maintains regular contact, they may not be ready to let go yet and might hope for a reconciliation.
If you have children together, it can be complicated, but the nature of the contact matters. If they only discuss the kids, don’t overanalyse. If they ask about your day or try to keep up with your comings and goings, it could be a sign.
2) Asking Mutual Friends About You
When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or you come from a large group of friends, you’re going to have mutual friends. If your friends tell you your ex has been asking about you, it can be an obvious sign that they’re still hung up on you.
This is one of the most significant signs your ex wants you back because they’re willing to involve other people and let their feelings be known publicly.
3) Staying Single
This is another ambiguous sign, but subtle clues like this can indicate if your ex is still hung up on you. If they constantly post or talk negatively about being single, it suggests they’re unhappy without you. Venting to their ex (you) implies they were happier together.
Or they simply might be enjoying living their best single life.
4) Frequent Social Media Interactions
While social media isn’t always a great indicator of relationships, it can be a sign that your ex wants to re-establish a connection. Increased interactions on social media can be a subtle way for your ex to get your attention.
Whether they like your posts, respond to your stories, or comment on your page, they’re trying to make sure they’re on your mind. This behaviour might be focused on a particular platform like Instagram, or they might do it across all your social media accounts.
If you find them doing these things, we’d suggest blocking them, for your sake and theirs. Cutting social media ties as well as physical ties will massively help you to both move forward.
5) Holding Onto Your Belongings
When breakups happen, there are often belongings left with your ex-partner that you want back. There’s nothing more awkward than realising you’ve left your favourite hoodie at theirs.
In most cases, this is a painful but simple process that happens fairly quickly to allow both parties to move on. If your ex is holding your belongings hostage, it can be a sign that they’re not willing to move on in the hope you’ll come back.
6) They’re Open About Missing You
One of the most obvious signs that your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is waiting for you to come back is simply that they tell you. Honesty is the best policy, after all. Well, not always, maybe.
This is a good sign that your ex is willing to work on past mistakes and make an effort to improve your relationship.
7) Maintaining Contact on Special Occasions
Sometimes, your ex might be a bit more subtle about their desire for you to come back to them. You might rarely hear from them, save for special occasions. You might get a card or a gift on your birthday or at Christmas, or a message or phone call on your anniversary date.
8) Keeping Track of Your Life
This one can be a little bit invasive, but it can also be a bit of a compliment. If you’ve been broken up for a while and your ex is still keeping tabs on what you’re doing via friends or social media, it could be because they want to know if there’s any chance of rekindling the romance. Or, they just want to know you’re doing well.
9) Using “Us” and “We” in Conversations
If you have a healthy relationship with your ex, you’re likely to have conversations with each other from time to time. If your ex is regularly referring to the two of you as “we” or “us” in conversation, it can be a sign that they want to rekindle your old relationship status.
Early after a breakup, it’s definitely common to use these phrases as they (and you) are still getting used to life without the other. But if they’re still using these terms either to you or other people a few months on, it’s a sign they’re mentally still attached to you.
10) Apologising and Taking Responsibility For Past Wrongs
One of the biggest signs that your ex is waiting for you to come back is apologising and taking responsibility for mistakes they made in your relationship. They might also talk about wanting to fix things they did wrong.
Closure is a fantastic thing, but are they really seeking closure to move on, or are they hoping you’ll forgive them and fall back into their arms?
11) Exhibiting Jealousy Towards a New Relationship
When a relationship ends, the natural progression is to get into a new relationship. This could be a rebound relationship, or it could be the real deal. But if your ex is waiting for you to come back, they might show jealousy towards your new partner or relationship.
12) Giving Nostalgic Gifts
Nostalgic gifts are wonderful when they’re from someone you love. They show that the person understands you deeply. When you receive these kinds of gifts from an ex, it’s one of the most surefire signs your ex is waiting for you.
The easiest way to deal with this if it’s unwanted is to not accept the gift in the first place. This sends a clear message that their attempts at reconciliation are not welcome. If you’re interested in trying again, you can respond with an equally nostalgic gift.
13) Maintaining Close Proximity
If your ex intentionally attends an event or visits a location where they know you will be, it could indicate their desire to reconnect with you. Similarly, if they still live close by after the breakup or make excuses to see you in person frequently, it may be a sign that they’re hoping for reconciliation.
14) Showing Personal Growth
Even the most healthy relationship can end because one partner refuses to grow or change with time. A good sign that your ex is waiting for you to come back is their attempt to be a better person. If they’re open about their personal growth and how it could have impacted your relationship, it’s a good indicator that they want to try again.
But whether you trust the “I’ve changed!” narrative or not is really up to you.
15) Offering or Seeking Emotional Support
When an ex seeks or offers emotional support, it’s often a sign they desire to maintain or rebuild a deep emotional connection. This may indicate that they value your role in their life and have a potential desire for reconciliation.
If they turn to you for comfort during difficult times, it may indicate that they still hold you in high esteem and trust, which are crucial in any relationship. However, it’s important to protect your mental health and set boundaries where necessary.
16) They Drop By Unannounced
Having an ex drop by unannounced, whether you’re co-parenting or not, can be one of the biggest signs they’re waiting for you to come back. They’re establishing contact in a way that suggests you’re more than just friends.
If this lack of boundaries feels like a bad idea, it’s best to talk to your ex about it before they get the wrong message. It’s also not allowing you space to get over them – you’re healing, too, here!
17) Bringing Up Inside Jokes
Remembering and bringing up inside jokes is a strong indication that your ex is still emotionally connected to you. Inside jokes signify a shared history and a level of understanding that is unique to both of you.
If your ex frequently brings up these private jokes, it’s a sign that they are reminiscing about the good times you’ve shared and might be expecting a future together.
18) Sending Meaningful Messages
In the age of technology, communication has become effortless. If you find that your ex is sending you messages that extend beyond everyday banter or necessary conversation, it could be a sign that they are hoping for reconciliation.
These messages are not sent on a whim. Instead, they indicate your ex is consciously choosing to keep the line of communication open, possibly with the underlying hope that you might rekindle the romance.
If it’s too much, tell them. If they don’t listen, block them.
19) Sending Drunk Messages
Drunk messages sometimes reveal hidden emotions, and if your ex is sending them, it can be a sign they’re still invested emotionally. Alcohol can lower inhibitions, leading them to share feelings they might otherwise suppress.
However, remember that interpreting drunk messages can be tricky, as they might not always depict a true or consistent picture of their feelings. It’s best to let them sober up the next day and decide whether a conversation is needed.
20) Trying to Make You Jealous
Paradoxically, if your ex seems to be going out of their way to make you jealous, it could be a sign that they’re still hung up on you. Posting about new relationships or exciting adventures on social media or dropping hints about new love interests when you talk to each other might be attempting to provoke a reaction.
This behaviour can indicate they’re seeking your attention and testing your feelings, hoping it could lead towards reconciliation. But this behaviour is also wrong and completely unfair to you – they should be allowing you space, even if it’s difficult for them.
21) Bring Protective of You
An ex showing protective tendencies towards you might be a sign they are hoping for reconciliation. This could manifest as openly worrying about your well-being, showing concern about the people around you, or offering advice.
Their actions depict a continued sense of responsibility and care for you, indicating that their feelings have not completely faded away.
22) They’re Willing to Discuss the Issues in Your Relationship
If your ex is open to discussing the problems that led to your split, it signifies they’re willing to confront the issues and grow from them. This suggests they may be contemplating reconciliation, armed with newfound insight and a desire to make amends.
This willingness indicates a level of emotional maturity and a commitment to fostering a healthier relationship should you decide to reunite. But, once again, only you will know whether this is genuine or not.
23) They Show Patience
Patience and understanding are the hallmarks of a mature and enduring relationship. If your ex is showcasing these traits, particularly towards your needs and desires, it may be indicative of their lingering feelings.
They might be willing to wait and give you time, hoping that you’ll be ready for a reconciliation in the future.
24) They Haven’t Moved On
This is quite an obvious sign. When your ex isn’t showing any signs of moving on, even after the breakup happened months ago, it can be a clear indication that they aren’t over you. They might still be single, or they might have been dating casually but nothing serious.
If you’re unsure about their feelings and want clarity, ask them directly how they feel and where they see the relationship going.
25) They Want to Meet Up
When your ex proposes to meet up, it’s a strong hint that they may still harbour feelings for you. This face-to-face interaction goes beyond casual texts or calls, indicating a desire for a more personal connection.
It could be their attempt to rekindle old memories, resolve lingering issues, or explore the possibility of getting back together. Be sure to approach such a meeting with a clear mind and boundaries to ensure your emotional well-being.
26) Making Sentimental Social Media Posts
Posting sentimental content on social media can indicate that your ex is still emotionally invested in your shared past. If they frequently share posts that evoke memories or engage with old photographs and posts from your time together, it could be a sign that they’re not ready to let go.
This behaviour may indicate that they are reflecting on the pleasant times you spent together and hoping for a reconciliation.
27) Expressing Hope for the Future
Expressing hope for a future together is a firm indicator that your ex is contemplating reconciliation. If they frequently use phrases like “if we were still together” or “in the future, we could,” they’re likely nurturing a desire to re-establish your relationship.
This forward-thinking language signifies an emotional attachment and a longing to revive the bond you once shared.
How to Deal with a Lingering Ex
Dealing with an ex requires tact and sensitivity. Addressing the situation is crucial for emotional well-being and maintaining healthy boundaries. Ignoring or brushing it off can lead to confusion and heartbreak.
Here are our top tips for dealing with an ex who’s lingering and pining.
Dealing With Regular Contact
Regular contact with your ex may be welcomed or unwanted. Either way, you need to do something about it. Here are our top tips:
- Set boundaries – This applies regardless of whether you want the contact or not. If you don’t want contact with your ex, firmly communicate this and don’t be afraid to utilise block functions where necessary. If you do want it, boundaries around frequency and content are important to avoid falling back into old routines and making the same mistakes.
- Communicate Clearly – Make sure to communicate clearly with your ex. Don’t give them mixed messages that they may interpret as hope for reconciliation if it isn’t on the cards, and make sure your feelings and boundaries are made clear.
- Don’t Respond Immediately – Giving yourself time to think before responding is important. It’s easy to get caught up in old emotions and patterns when communicating with an ex, so take some time to process your feelings before you text back.
Handling Mutual Friends
Having mutual friends brought into your breakup can be uncomfortable, especially if you didn’t choose to do so yourself. When this happens, there are a few things you can do
- Establish clear boundaries with your friends and your ex.
- Keep your emotions in check when discussing with your friends or ex.
- Accept that you can’t control what your ex tells their friends, but you can request not to be told about their conversations.
Making Your Social Media Less Social
When it comes to signs that your ex wants you back, liking social media posts is relatively mild, though it can be annoying. If you don’t want this behaviour, the easiest solution is to block them, but some may find this extreme. Here are tips on reducing your ex’s online presence:
- Have a conversation – If you end things amicably or have children together, talking to your ex about their behaviour is a good first step. Express your feelings without being judgmental.
- Remove them from your platform – On Facebook, unfriending them removes them from your page. On Instagram, you can make an account unfollow you in the settings. They won’t be notified.
- Block them – If they continue to send friend requests or re-follow you, block their account. They won’t be notified, but be prepared for a conversation if they find out through other channels.
Handling an Ex’s Jealousy
Dealing with a jealous ex is never easy, but it should subside over time. Here are a few tips on how to handle their feelings:
- Don’t rub your new relationship in their face – Be mindful of your ex’s feelings, and try not to be too public about your new relationship. But, on the flip side, you shouldn’t feel restricted just because they can’t process their emotions.
- Avoid discussing your new partner with them – If you’re still in contact with your ex, it’s best to avoid talking about your new partner as it may cause unnecessary pain and tension.
- Be understanding but firm – Acknowledge their feelings of jealousy, but make it clear that you have moved on and are happy in your new relationship. Make sure they understand that you won’t tolerate it if your ex talks negatively about your new partner.
Find Love Again With Finding The One
Navigating the maze of emotions post-breakup can be a daunting journey. It’s crucial to protect your peace and remain clear about your boundaries. Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek professional help if needed.
Now, if you’re ready to start a fresh chapter, why not turn the page with Finding The One? Our uniquely curated dating app helps you connect with people who match your vibe and complement your journey.
FAQs
How Should I Handle Regular Contact With My Ex?
Setting firm boundaries is crucial when dealing with regular contact from an ex. Communicate your feelings clearly to avoid confusion, and refrain from responding immediately to give yourself time to process your feelings.
How Do You Know If Your Ex is Slowly Coming Back?
You can identify signs that your ex may be slowly returning by observing their behaviour. Noteworthy signs include increased contact, expressions of regret or discussing past relationship issues, expressing hope for the future, and a reluctance to move on. However, since interpretations can vary, it’s always best to have an open, honest conversation to understand their intentions clearly.
How Can I Manage My Ex’s Presence On Social Media?
You can handle your ex’s online presence by having an open conversation about their behaviour, removing them from your platforms, or blocking them if necessary. Remember that your social media is supposed to be a place of relaxation, not stress.
How Should I Handle a Jealous Ex?
Handling a jealous ex can be challenging. Try not to publicly flaunt your new relationship, avoid discussing your new partner with your ex, and be understanding but firm in communicating that you have moved on. If necessary, cut off all contact to protect your mental health.