When a guy just wants to be friends after dating, it can be difficult to know how to handle it. While it might sound great since you don’t have to fully lose them, is it ever really a good idea to be just friends?
Whether you’ve been dating for a few months or a few years, breaking up is never easy. One of the most difficult parts of the breakup is moving on and learning how to disconnect – both emotionally and physically – from this person.
By remaining friends afterwards, it’s kind of like a comfort cushion. Although you’re losing this person romantically, they’ll still be present in your life, so you won’t have to completely let go. And that’s a good thing… right?
Can You Still Be Friends After Dating a Guy?
There are two sides to this coin. On the one hand, it’s possible to remain friends after dating a guy. You’ve already established a connection and have shared experiences together, so why throw that away? If the relationship ended on good terms and you both are genuinely interested in maintaining a friendship, then it can definitely work.
However, on the other hand, there’s also the possibility that staying friends after dating might not be the best idea. It can often lead to confusion and mixed signals, especially if one person still has feelings for the other. Plus, it’s important to consider whether you’re truly capable of separating your romantic and platonic feelings.
Do Guys Really Want to Be Friends After a Breakup?
First things first, it’s important to acknowledge that all guys are different, and we can’t tar them all with the same brush. With that said, there are some signs you can look out for to help you work out whether your recent ex is genuine in their reasons for wanting to remain friends.
| Genuine About Staying Friends | Disingenuous About Staying Friends |
| Respect for boundaries: Shows respect for your boundaries, not pushing for more than friendship and understanding that certain topics may be off-limits. | Manipulative behaviour: Uses guilt-tripping or past history to their advantage, indicating a lack of genuine interest in friendship. |
| Consistency: Communication and behaviour remain consistent over time, indicating sincerity in maintaining a friendship. | Neglecting your feelings: Disregard your feelings or seem indifferent to your discomfort, showing a lack of genuine concern for a platonic relationship. |
| No ulterior motives: No signs of jealousy about new people in your life and no attempts to rekindle the romance, suggesting a genuine desire for friendship. | Inconsistency: Exhibits hot and cold behaviour, being friendly one moment and distant the next, suggesting they’re not truly invested in staying friends. |
Why Does He Want to Stay Friends After Breaking Up?
If you’ve never had a breakup that resulted in your ex wanting to remain friends, you might be a little confused about why your ex wants to keep you in their life platonically.
Don’t worry, it doesn’t always mean that they have an ulterior motive. We’ve gathered some of the most common reasons why a guy might want to stay friends with you after you break up.
#1 He Genuinely Doesn’t Want to Lose You Fully
The most common reason why a guy might want to stay friends after breaking up with you is because he genuinely doesn’t want to lose you from his life. Just because you aren’t compatible romantically doesn’t mean you’re not compatible platonically or you don’t bring value to his life.
It’s also good to acknowledge that there are different kinds of love, and just because yours isn’t romantic doesn’t mean you can’t have a fulfilling friendship.
#2 His Circle is Small
A slightly less flattering reason why your ex-boyfriend might want to remain friends is because their social circle is already small. We’re social creatures, so it’s natural to try and keep as many people around us as possible.
This is an especially common reason if a lot of your friends have become his friends too throughout the relationship, as he may not want to lose them either.
#3 He Wants the Best of Both Worlds
This is a reason that doesn’t paint your ex in a great light. Some people just want to have the best of both worlds. He might not want to live within the confines of a committed relationship, but he still wants the support, comfort, and affection you bring to his life.
This can be a tempting situation to get into, but it ultimately ends with you being used for being kind and can cause unnecessary heartache.
#4 He Wants to Use You as a Safety Net
This is similar to the last reason, and the two often go hand in hand. If your ex wants to explore their options and play the field a little, they can’t be in a relationship with you. But they might try to keep you around under the guise of being friends in order to have a familiar relationship to fall back on when they’re done exploring their options.
#5 He Doesn’t Want to Hurt You
When your ex wants to remain friends, it isn’t always to use you or have his cake and eat it too. The cliche of breaking up with someone and saying ‘we should stay friends’ has been around for decades for the simple reason that people think it softens the blow.
While it can be helpful in conveying that you don’t hate the person you’re breaking up with, remaining friends when the break up wasn’t entirely mutual can actually cause more harm rather than alleviating it because it gives false hope.
#6 It Makes Him Feel Better
If the decision to break up wasn’t mutual but was instead his idea, it can alleviate his guilt to suggest being friends.
If you agree to stay friends with him, it can help him feel like he hasn’t caused as much hurt and suffering because he can pretend you’re cool with it too.
Why is it a Bad Idea to Stay Friends After Dating Him?
Staying friends after dating can lead to a complicated dynamic that may cause more harm than good.
The ambiguity of boundaries can prevent both parties from fully moving on and healing from the breakup. It’s also possible that maintaining a close friendship may potentially stir old emotions and exacerbate the pain of the split, particularly if one party still harbours romantic feelings.
Of course, the friendship can also act as a security blanket, hindering personal growth and the ability to establish new relationships. The continued contact may cause confusion and misunderstandings, potentially leading to a cycle of on-and-off relationships that can be emotionally draining.
How to Say No & Respect Your Own Feelings
If your ex asks if you can stay friends after a breakup, you might have mixed feelings about the situation. We’d recommend that you don’t give them an answer in the moment, but if you do, know that you always have the right to change your mind.
If you’ve sat with your feelings and you decide that you no longer want to be friends, it’s important to respect your feelings so you can heal properly and move on, even if that means cutting contact.
When declining a friendship post-breakup, clear communication is key. It’s important to be honest but considerate. Express that although you value the shared history and bond, you believe it’s best for both of you to have some space and time apart. This may involve a direct conversation or a written message if that’s more comfortable.
We recommend using “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, such as: “I feel that keeping a distance will help me heal and move on.” Remember, you’re not asking for permission but informing them of a decision that you’ve made for your well-being.
How to Set Friendship Boundaries After Dating Him
That being said, if you do decide to stay friends, whatever your reasons may be, the transition from romance to friendship requires new boundaries to be set. These boundaries aid in avoiding misunderstandings and reflect the new platonic nature of the relationship.
- Define expectations – Establish what you both hope to gain from the friendship. This could include things like support, companionship, or maintaining shared social connections. Make sure both parties agree on these expectations.
- Avoid intimate situations – Avoid situations that may bring back romantic feelings, such as dinner dates, late-night chats, or intimate physical contact.
- Limit contact – Depending on your comfort level, limit the frequency of your communication. This could mean not texting every day or only catching up in person once a month.
- No discussing past relationships – You’ve moved on from that stage now, and it’s important to avoid conversations about your past relationship to prevent old wounds from reopening.
- Respect each other’s future relationships – Be supportive when the other starts dating again. It’s vital not to show jealousy or resentment.
- Speak up – If there are any actions or conversations that make you uncomfortable, voice your concerns clearly and immediately.
- Have no expectations – Accept that the romantic relationship is over and do not live in expectation of rekindling romance. It’s now strictly platonic.
Move Forward With Finding The One
Transitioning from a romantic relationship to friendship opens a new chapter in your life. It’s essential to honour this personal growth and practice self-care. This period offers an opportunity to reflect on your past relationship, learn from it, and prepare yourself for new romantic possibilities.
When you’re ready, opening yourself up to new connections can be a rewarding experience. A fresh perspective can enable you to approach new relationships with greater wisdom and maturity.
If you’re ready to move on to a new romantic relationship, Finding The One is a great place to start.
FAQs
Is It Easy to Be Friends With Someone You Dated?
It’s not always easy to transition from a romantic relationship to a friendship, as it can involve complex emotions and adjustments. However, with mutual respect, clear communication, and time for healing, it’s possible to preserve a rewarding friendship with someone you once dated. Each situation is unique and depends on the individuals and circumstances involved.
Is It Possible to Have a Friendship After Sex?
Yes, it’s possible to maintain a friendship after sex, but it requires open communication, respect, and setting clear boundaries. This transition could be difficult due to complex emotions, but mutual understanding and patience can help navigate this change. It’s also crucial to ensure that both parties are comfortable with this shift in dynamics.
Do Guys Really Want to Be Friends After a Breakup?
The desire to remain friends after a breakup isn’t exclusive to a particular gender. It largely depends on individual feelings, the nature of the breakup, and the bond shared during the relationship. Some men might want to preserve the friendship due to the emotional connection, while others may find it more challenging. Communication, respect, and time for healing are essential in this transition.
Why Would a Guy Suddenly Want to Be Friends?
A man might suddenly want to be friends due to a variety of reasons. Perhaps he values the bond you share and doesn’t want to lose that connection entirely, or he might be processing his emotions and feels friendship is a beneficial step. It could also be a way of dealing with the change and not severing the bond abruptly. Each situation is unique and depends on individual feelings and circumstances.
Do Guys Even Care After a Breakup?
Men’s responses to breakups can vary widely and are deeply personal. However, like anyone else, men can experience a range of emotions, such as sadness, loss, and confusion after a breakup. The idea that men don’t care or experience feelings as acutely after a breakup is a stereotype and not a universal truth. It’s important to remember that every individual processes emotions and copes with change differently.