Short-Term Relationships: A Waste of Time or a Valuable Lesson?

Short-term relationships are often seen as the dating world’s ephemeral butterflies, flitting in and out of our lives with speed and unpredictability. But do they offer us any real value? Or are they just fleeting distractions on the road to finding the one?

Here at Finding The One, we’re going to delve into the highs and lows of these brief romantic interludes and discover whether they’re mere stopgaps or crucial experiences shaping our journey towards love.

Why Do People Want Short-Term Relationships?

There are many reasons why someone might be looking for a short-term relationship over a long-term one (perhaps even you yourself). 

It might feel like an alien concept if you’re searching for ‘the one’, but there’s a lot of people out there looking for a good time, not a long time, especially in this generation. 

Here are some of the most common reasons why someone isn’t looking for a long-term relationship…

#1 Less Commitment

If you’re going into a relationship knowing it’ll probably be short-term, there’s a significantly lower expectation of commitment. 

There’s no expectation to meet your partner’s family if you’re only going to be around for a few months. You don’t need to let your guard down as much or have your life figured out enough to begin planning a future together.

This can be a safe place for people to be, especially if they’ve been hurt in long-term relationships before. It can feel easy to just enjoy the present without worrying about the potential future. And the future can make people feel uncomfortable, sometimes even scared.

#2 Increases Their Experience

Being in a long-term committed relationship can be great. You get a sense of security, familiarity, and stability, and it feels nice knowing there’s someone you can always count on. However, it only allows you to get to know that one person when there are billions of people out there. 

Okay, so you might not have been thinking about that while you’re in a long-term relationship – but it’s still true!

Having short-term relationships with people gives you a lot more experience when it comes to dating and relationships. It can be a great way to learn about yourself and how you handle different situations. It can also help you learn how to navigate the hard parts of relationships without as much pressure as a long-term relationship.

#3 Long-Term Dating Doesn’t Fit Their Lifestyle

Not everyone’s into settling down with a spouse and children in a house with a white picket fence, and that’s totally okay. 

For some people, the idea of being tied to one place or having responsibilities to the family of someone they’re dating hampers their nomadic or easy-going lifestyle.

Instead, short-term relationships give them the companionship they crave on a basic level but can easily be woven between their travels, gigs, or other commitments. The other elements of life are seen as more important than a lifelong commitment, and short-term dating allows for that flexibility.

#4 They Don’t Know What They’re Looking for Yet

One of the most simple and common reasons why people indulge in short-term relationships is that they don’t know what they’re looking for yet. 

The thing about love and relationships is you don’t know what you want until you have it. But it’s also true that you don’t know what you don’t want until you have it, which is arguably more important to figure out. 

In other words, if you’re not making yourself vulnerable by exploring a relationship, you’re not allowing yourself to find out what the perfect person looks like for you. The only way you can truly learn what you want and what your boundaries are in a relationship is to experiment, and having short-term relationships is the best way to do that. 

Besides, why should you stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you feel fireworks just because you don’t deem it to have lasted long enough yet? If it’s time to call it quits after only a few weeks or months, then so be it.

How Long Do Short-Term Relationships Last?

Short-term relationships vary in duration depending on individual expectations and circumstances. Generally, they can last anything from a few weeks to a few months.

It’s important to note that the defining feature of a short-term relationship is not just its duration but also the mutual understanding that this is a temporary arrangement with no plans for a long-term commitment.

As a general rule, short-term relationships shouldn’t last any longer than a year. If you can celebrate an anniversary, you’re straying into long-term relationship territory.

Can Short-Term Relationships Turn Long-Term?

By flittering in and out of short-term relationships, you’re increasing your chances of coming across someone who ticks all your boxes. You might find a person who makes you want to step into a long-term commitment.

If it’s something that the two of you want, then there’s no reason why you’re originally limited and a casual relationship shouldn’t or cannot turn into something more serious. 

However, if it’s just one person pushing for a long-term commitment while the other is content with the current arrangement, then it’s likely that the relationship will not last. After all, it takes two to tango.

Why Are All My Relationships Short-Term?

If you’ve found that your relationships tend to be more short-lived than long-term, there could be a handful of reasons behind this pattern.

#1 You have a (subconscious) fear of commitment

#2 Your standards are high – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

#3 You enjoy the honeymoon phase

#4 Your self-esteem is preventing you from being vulnerable

#5 You’re simply not ready for a long-term relationship

#1 Fear of Commitment

A subconscious fear of commitment might be causing you to end relationships before they get serious. 

This can often be linked back to previous experiences, either from witnessing the complex or failed relationships of parents or from past personal experiences of hurt and disappointment.

#2 High Standards

You might have high or idealistic expectations when it comes to your partner. High expectations aren’t necessarily a bad thing, but you still have to be realistic.

While it’s important and healthy to know what you want, having unreachable expectations can prevent you from forming lasting relationships. It’s key to distinguish between essential qualities and negotiable ones in a partner.

One of the most important lessons you’ll learn from being in a relationship is compromise. (But that doesn’t mean you have to settle for mediocre.)

#3 Preferring Novelty

You might be the kind of person who enjoys the honeymoon phase of a relationship – the excitement, the butterflies, the novelty – and once that fades, you lose interest. 

It’s important to recognise that all relationships move past this stage, and on the other side is a deep level of connection, love, and companionship.

A healthy relationship will still have the butterflies and the high of being in love, but it’ll also have more substance.

#4 Self-Esteem Issues

Low self-esteem could be causing you to sabotage your relationships. You might think you’re not worth long-term love or fear being left, so you end things before your partner has a chance to.

The cliche ‘love yourself before you love someone else’ is definitely true. So, work on finding your inner confidence and self-worth before entering into a long-term relationship.

#5 Not Ready for a Long-term Relationship

You simply might not be ready for a long-term relationship – and that’s okay! You might be focusing on other aspects of life like your career, studies, or personal goals.

Everyone moves at their own pace in life and love; what’s crucial is being honest with yourself and your partners about your relationship goals.

Finding Value in a Short-Term Relationship

Even if your ultimate goal is to find a long-term relationship to settle down in, it doesn’t mean that short-term dating doesn’t have a place in your life right now. 

There’s plenty of value to be found in short-term relationships. All you have to do is stop judging your relationships on how long they last and start looking at the quality of the experience.

What You Can Learn From Short-Term Dating

Short-term dating can be a rich and rewarding learning experience, offering numerous insights and life lessons. Here are some of the valuable things you can learn from short relationships along the way:

1. Personal growth & self-discovery – Aids in understanding personal needs, desires, and deal-breakers. It gives you a chance for self-discovery and personal growth, enhancing knowledge about emotional responses, communication styles, and conflict-resolution skills.
2. Developing better interpersonal skills – Interacting with different people with different traits, perspectives, and experiences contributes to developing a broader range of interpersonal skills, like emotional intelligence, empathy and understanding.
3. Resilience & adaptability – Builds resilience and adaptability by meeting new people and handling the emotional aspects of forming (and ending) connections. You’ll strengthen your ability to cope with emotional changes and different personalities.
4. Understanding compatibility – Provides insights into compatibility, helping you identify essential traits and values in your ideal partner. 

Find Your Next Serious Relationship With Finding The One

Short-term relationships, far from being fleeting distractions, can offer invaluable life lessons and experiences. They serve as stepping stones to self-discovery, resilience, and understanding the true essence of compatibility.

If you’re ready to take the leap and find ‘the one‘, sign up for the Finding The One dating app – your gateway to meaningful connections and love that lasts.

Check out the Finding The One blog to find out more about all things love and dating in the Capital. 

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