16 Real Ways to Know When to Call It Quits in Your Relationship

Last Updated: 1st March 2025

If you’re already asking when to call it quits in your relationship, you’ve already found the first sign.

Questioning the longevity or strength of your relationship really only happens when that thing in your gut is telling you something doesn’t feel quite right. 

Whether it’s a loss of love on your side (which is completely fine, by the way, don’t feel guilty) or your partner has been distant from you for a while, there are many reasons why it might be time to call it quits. 

Even if you can’t pinpoint what it is exactly, sometimes you just know it doesn’t feel the same.

Before you make the decision to end things, you’ll want to be 100% sure that the relationship is over (at least, from your perspective) and that you’re not just going through a rough patch.

While this guide isn’t a comprehensive list of signs your relationship is past its best, it can be a good metric to compare your relationship to when you’re having doubts about the strength and future of your romance.

16 Signs It’s Time to Call It Quits on Your Relationship

• #1 Consistent Unhappiness & Discomfort
• #2 Loss of Individual Identity
• #3 Communication Breakdown
• #4 Trust & Respect Issues With Your Partner
• #5 You’re Thinking About Life Without Them
• #6 You Don’t Talk to Your Friends or Family About Them
• #7 You Always Feel On Edge
• #8 You Can’t Easily Forgive & Forget
• #9 The Relationship Has Become Toxic
• #10 The Foundation of Your Relationship is Shaky
• #11 You’re Feeling Devalued in the Relationship
• #12 You Feel the Expectations are Unrealistic
• #13 There’s a Lack of Effort on Either Side
• #14 You’re Feeling Stifled By the Relationship
• #15 There’s Been Infidelity
• #16 Things Have Become Abusive

*If you feel you’re at an increased risk of or experiencing abuse from a partner, please contact the National Abuse Helpline or other helplines on the NHS website.

There are lots of signs that a relationship has begun to lose its spark , and these signs will be different for everyone. But there are definitely some that stick out as major red flags and ones that shouldn’t be ignored. 

#1 Consistent Unhappiness & Discomfort

If you find yourself constantly unhappy or dissatisfied in your relationship, it may be a significant sign that things aren’t working. Relationships should bring joy, comfort, and a sense of companionship. 

Of course, all relationships have occasional disagreements and rough patches, but these should be outweighed by the good times. 

If, instead, you feel a constant cloud of unhappiness or discomfort hanging over you, it might indicate deeper issues. This could be stemming from unresolved conflict, a feeling of fulfilment, or even a sense of being trapped. 

It’s important to remember that your happiness matters, and a relationship should contribute positively to that, not be a constant source of distress or unease.

#2 Loss of Individual Identity

Keeping your individuality in a relationship is so important. 

It’s your unique traits, interests, and passions that make you who you are—and when you nurture those, they can actually make your relationship even stronger. 

A healthy relationship is all about two unique people coming together, each bringing their own personality and strengths to the mix. 

If you ever feel like you’re losing yourself in a relationship, it’s definitely time to take a step back and reflect.

This loss of individuality can lead to resentment, unhappiness, and a sense of feeling trapped.

#3 Communication Breakdown

Communication forms the backbone of any healthy partnership. Constructive and open dialogue facilitates understanding, resolves conflicts, and strengthens the bond between partners.

However, when communication begins to break down, it can instigate a multitude of relationship issues, including a lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection. 

This typically transpires when partners stop sharing their feelings or thoughts, creating a vacuum that breeds misunderstanding and resentment. 

Inconsistent or even non-existent communication often leads to assumptions and mistrust, corroding the foundation of the relationship.

Miscommunications can also escalate conflicts instead of resolving them, leading to an unhealthy cycle of arguments.

#4 Trust & Respect Issues With Your Partner

Trust and respect are vital for a successful relationship. Without trust, insecurity and suspicion hinder emotional intimacy. 

In an environment lacking trust, every action or word can be misconstrued, leading to constant tension and conflict. 

Relationships without trust often experience a cycle of accusations, denials, and arguments that erode the bond between partners. 

A lack of trust can also lead to control issues and resentment, straining the relationship. 

There’s a classic saying “Without trust, there can be no love”, and there really is truth in this.

#5 You’re Thinking About Life Without Them

If you find that you’ve begun imagining your life without your partner, the death knell has sounded. 

With a romantic partner, we’re supposed to be trying to build a life together, not apart. 

This is one of the strongest signs you’ve checked out of the relationship, and calling it quits can be the best thing for both you and your partner, as well as any kids that are involved. 

#6 You Don’t Talk to Your Friends or Family About Them

When your relationship is on solid ground, you’re excited to talk about it and your partner with your friends and family. 

If you’re no longer interested enough to keep your friends and family updated with your relationship, it could be a sign that you’re starting to become disconnected from the relationship. 

Maybe without even realising it, you’re ultimately attempting to dissolve the links between your social circle and partner, which is a clear sign you’re not invested in the relationship anymore.

#7 You Always Feel On Edge

A romantic relationship is supposed to be a place where we feel safe, loved, and respected. If you find you’re constantly feeling on edge or tense around your partner, it could be a sign you’re unhappy. 

If you feel on edge because your partner actively does things that make you feel unsafe, it’s important to try and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible for your own well-being. 

Make use of your support system. 

#8 You Can’t Easily Forgive & Forget

Every relationship has difficult times that can cause small rifts and conflicts. In healthy relationships, these are usually easy to remedy, and you can get over it without much hardship.

However, if you’re struggling to forgive your partner’s minor transgressions or you’re unable to let go of issues and bring them up repeatedly, it can be a sign that resentment is seeping into your relationship, and it’s difficult to come back from that.

#9 The Relationship Has Become Toxic

When a relationship turns toxic, it’s usually a sign that it’s run its course. Toxic dynamics can show up in all kinds of ways…

• Constant fights
• Emotional manipulation
• Feeling drained and unsupported

If being in the relationship starts affecting your self-esteem, happiness, or overall well-being, it’s time to face the truth: staying together might not be healthy for either of you.

Spotting the signs of a toxic relationship is the first step, and sometimes, prioritising your mental and emotional health means walking away.

#10 The Foundation of Your Relationship is Shaky

When a relationship starts to feel shaky or unsteady, it’s often a sign that something deeper is going on. 

Dishonesty, for instance, can chip away at trust, which is such a key part of any healthy partnership.

Big changes in personality or behaviour—whether from stress, personal growth, or outside pressures—can also create distance between partners. These cracks can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and emotional disconnection.

When you’re no longer on the same page or working toward shared goals, it might be a sign that the relationship is heading toward its end.

#11 You’re Feeling Devalued in the Relationship

Feeling unappreciated in a relationship can be a big red flag that things might be fizzling out. 

Sure, every relationship has its ups and downs, but if you’re constantly feeling undervalued or unimportant, it’s more than just a rough patch.

A healthy relationship should make you feel respected, supported, and valued. If that’s missing for a long time, it can wear away at the connection and make it hard to keep the relationship strong.

#12 You Feel the Expectations are Unrealistic

Unrealistic expectations can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, leaving one person feeling constantly stressed and not good enough.

If your partner is always expecting you to meet impossible standards or give more than you realistically can, it can lead to frustration and burnout over time. 

Trying to live up to these expectations can chip away at your confidence and happiness, making it tough to keep the relationship positive and fulfilling.

If this keeps happening and nothing changes, it might be time to take a step back and think about whether the relationship is good for your emotional well-being.

#13 There’s a Lack of Effort on Either Side

When one or both people in a relationship stop putting in effort, it’s usually a sign that something’s off. 

Relationships need care, communication, and genuine participation from both sides to work.

Whether it’s not showing affection, avoiding conversations, or just not being present, that lack of effort can create a real disconnect.

#14 You’re Feeling Stifled By the Relationship

Feeling stuck in a relationship can be a big warning sign. If it feels like your growth, goals, or success are being held back, it might be time to take a step back and reassess.

A healthy relationship should lift you up and support your ambitions, not hold you down. If being with someone starts to feel suffocating instead of empowering, it can lead to frustration, resentment, and even losing a sense of who you are.

If you’re constantly putting your dreams or happiness on the back burner just to keep things going, it’s worth asking yourself if staying together is really what’s best for you.

#15 There’s Been Infidelity

Infidelity can be a tough blow to any relationship. When trust is broken, rebuilding it isn’t easy, and sometimes the damage can’t be undone.

Cheating, whether it’s one-sided or mutual, often points to bigger problems that haven’t been addressed. 

For some couples, forgiveness and healing are possible, but it takes a lot of effort from both sides and a real commitment to fixing things.

For others, infidelity might be the sign that it’s time to move on.

#16 Things Have Become Abusive

Abuse has no place in any relationship, full stop. 

If your relationship has become abusive—whether it’s physical, emotional, or psychological—it’s so important to put your safety and well-being first.

Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t easy. Fear, financial worries, emotional ties, or even feeling isolated can make it feel impossible to walk away. Still, no one deserves to live in an unsafe environment, and help is out there. 

If you’re in an abusive situation, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Reaching out is a big, brave step towards a safer and happier future. 

There’s no shame in asking for help—you’re not alone.

Understanding Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

It can be tricky, near impossible, to compare your relationship to someone elses. BUT, you can most definitely identify what is not okay or not healthy (or even normal).

Some of the easiest differences to distinguish between a healthy and unhealthy relationship include…

	Healthy Relationship	Unhealthy Relationship
Respect	Both partners have mutual respect for each other. They acknowledge each other’s feelings, decisions, & boundaries.	Lack of respect. One partner belittles or disregards the other’s feelings & decisions.
Honesty	Open & honest communication is prioritised. Transparently expressing feelings, needs, & thoughts, which promotes understanding.	Dishonesty on either side, leading to insecurity and doubt.
Trust	A solid foundation of trust, allowing partners to feel secure in sharing deeply.	Possessiveness or jealousy. Often leads to isolation & can escalate to more serious controlling behaviours.
Effort	Both partners contribute equally, ensuring shared responsibilities & decisions, leading to a balanced & fulfilling partnership.	The responsibility of maintaining the relationship falls disproportionately on one person, resulting in an unbalanced & unfulfilling partnership.
Individuality	Giving each other space to pursue personal interests & hobbies, supporting each other’s growth & self-identity.	Violation of personal boundaries. The offending partner attempts to control aspects of the other’s life, including social interactions, appearance, or decisions, leading to a loss of autonomy.

Final Thoughts: One Relationship Door Closes to Open Another

The end of a relationship can be heart-breaking and challenging, but it often paves the way for personal growth and new beginnings. 

While it’s natural to grieve, this closure creates space to discover true love with someone more aligned with your values and aspirations.

It serves as a reminder that every ending is an opportunity for a fresh start, leading to a fulfilling and joyful future where happiness and love are genuinely shared.

If you need more expert relationship advice and tips to help you navigate your changing love life, check out our latest posts on the Finding The One blog.

FAQs

When Should You Stop Trying in a Relationship?

Then efforts to improve the relationship are one-sided, communication fails repeatedly, or staying together causes more harm than happiness, it may be time to stop trying and prioritise your well-being and personal growth.

How Do I Know When to Leave a Relationship?

When your relationship lacks love, respect, and mutual effort, or when staying causes ongoing pain and stifles personal growth, these are clear indicators that it may be time to focus on your own happiness.

Also, if you’re already contemplating when to leave rather than if to leave, it’s a pretty good indicator you should do it sooner rather than later, as you’ve already made your mind up.

Does a Lack Of Physical Intimacy Kill a Relationship?

A lack of physical intimacy can strain a relationship, as it often fosters emotional distance and dissatisfaction. 

However, open communication and mutual understanding can help address underlying issues and rebuild connection, preventing intimacy issues from fully undermining the relationship.