Knowing how to slow down a relationship without coming off as uninterested or causing tension can be challenging. But making sure you’re comfortable with how things are progressing is super important for the long-term success of your partnership.
Relationships are designed to progress over time, but sometimes they move too quickly for us to truly enjoy them or feel comfortable.
Whether it’s because you’re both enjoying each other a little too much or you’re just scared of losing momentum, there are plenty of reasons why we might need to take a step back and slow things down.
And when you’re in a serious relationship that’s moving like a runaway freight train, you can feel pretty helpless and lost.
Thankfully, there are ways to pump the brakes on your relationship without derailing it completely.
9 Easy Ways to Slow Your Relationship Down
Telling your partner that you want to slow the pace of your relationship can be daunting and scary.
Will your partner think you’re not interested anymore? Will they get frustrated and lose interest? These are valid concerns, but with the right approach, you can successfully pace your romance without losing the connection.
Here are nine effective ways to slow down your relationship without ending it.
| #1 Tell your partner honestly how you feel |
| #2 Hang out in group settings |
| #3 Don’t text so frequently |
| #4 Don’t respond so quickly |
| #5 Avoid making plans too far in advance |
| #6 Keep things fun |
| #7 Set expectations early |
| #8 Maintain some physical distance |
| #9 Avoid talking about future plans |
1. Tell Your Partner Honestly How You Feel
Communicating your feelings openly and honestly with your partner is the number one way to make your relationship slow down with minimal blowback.
This approach ensures that both parties understand each other’s perspectives and emotions regarding the speed at which the relationship is progressing.
By discussing your concerns directly, you create an opportunity for a mutual agreement on how to move forward at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.
It’s important to approach this conversation with sensitivity and empathy, acknowledging that your partner’s feelings are equally valid.
That being said, if they genuinely care for you and want to see the relationship succeed, they will be understanding and willing to work towards a compromise. After all, a relationship is all about compromise and finding a balance that works for both partners.
2. Hang Out in Group Settings
Spending time with your partner in group settings is another effective way to enjoy each other’s company while dialling down the intensity of one-on-one interactions.
Group activities are less about the deep, personal exploration of your relationship and more about having fun and making memories together alongside others.
This allows you and your partner to see how each other interacts in different social situations, offering a broader perspective of your personalities.
Plus double dates or group dates can be fun! If you have friends who are also in relationships, make plans to go out together and enjoy each other’s company in a more casual setting.
3. Don’t Text So Frequently
Texting your partner all day, every day, can be fiercely intense and cause things to move more quickly than you’re comfortable with.
Toning down the frequency of your texts to your partner can naturally put the brakes on your relationship a little bit.
It’s a simple way to put your relationship into perspective. If you’re not constantly messaging each other, it reminds both of you that you have a life outside of your relationship that also needs attention.
4. Don’t Respond So Quickly
In the same vein, when you do respond to your partner’s texts, making sure you’re not responding immediately every single time can send a clear message that things need to cool down.
This is another way to subtly convey that you have other things going on in your life and that you’re not sitting by the phone waiting for them to message you.
| Note: With tips 4 & 5, be careful that answering messages on your own time doesn’t stray into playing games which can negatively affect your relationship. |
5. Avoid Making Plans Too Far in Advance
Making plans too far in advance can accelerate the perceived seriousness of your relationship.
By committing to future events or activities months down the line, both partners might feel a stronger, binding commitment that mirrors the dynamics of long-term partnerships.
This intensity can add pressure and might not align with the current pace you’re comfortable with. By focusing on the present and making plans with a shorter horizon, you allow the relationship to grow at a more measured pace.
6. Keep Things Fun
When things start to get too serious too quickly, it can start to feel like you’re focused on all the important factors that come with a serious relationship, pushing out the fun.
One of the best parts of starting a new relationship is having fun while getting to know one another. Try to keep things fun to take a break from intense conversations and deep emotional connections.
Go on spontaneous dates, try new activities together, or revisit old hobbies you used to enjoy to help maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.
7. Set Expectations Early
Sometimes in relationships, we can get swept up in the excitement and lose sight of our own boundaries and needs. It’s important to set out your expectations early on so that you’re both clear before you get swept up in the romance of a new relationship.
| Note: It’s important to remember that boundaries are something that you set for yourself and shouldn’t be used to restrict someone else’s behaviour. |
8. Maintain Some Physical Distance
If your relationship is getting too intense too quickly, maintaining physical distance can be a good way to slow things down.
This doesn’t mean stopping all physical contact but rather finding a balance that feels comfortable for both of you. This can help prevent feelings of suffocation and allow your relationship to progress at a healthier pace.
9. Avoid Talking About Future Plans
When your relationship is starting to feel overwhelming and is moving too fast, the last thing you want is to start planning your whole life out together.
Putting a pause on discussions of the future, especially involving marriage and children, can be a simple way to slow things down and take a breather before things become too much.
How Not to Slow Down Your Relationship
While there are healthy ways to slow the pace of a relationship, there are definitely approaches you should avoid.
These methods can not only harm the relationship but also hurt your partner emotionally…
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Our advice is to avoid these behaviours if you want to maintain your relationship.
Building a healthy, respectful approach to managing the pace of your relationship is about communication, mutual understanding, and shared respect for each other’s needs and boundaries.
Reasons for Putting the Brakes on a Relationship
There are several reasons you might feel the need to slow down the pace of a relationship, each stemming from the desire to foster a healthy and sustainable connection.
| Overwhelmed by rapid intimacy or commitment | Feeling uncomfortable with the quick progression of intimacy or commitment in the relationship. |
| External pressures | Career demands or personal challenges that require more focus & energy, impacting the capacity to nurture the relationship. |
| Divergent expectations | Differences in expectations about the future of the relationship necessitate a pause to realign visions. |
| Personal growth or unresolved issues | The need to focus on personal growth or resolve individual issues for the long-term health of the relationship. |
| Building a solid foundation | Ensuring the relationship is based on friendship and mutual respect, not just romantic or physical attraction. |
Slowing down allows you to deeply understand each other as a couple, ensuring the relationship is built on a more comprehensive and enduring connection.
Summary: Sometimes Slowing Things Down Leads to Stronger Love
Slowing down a relationship isn’t about putting the brakes on love; it’s about ensuring a stronger, healthier foundation for it to grow.
By adopting these strategies, you can build a connection that’s not only deep and meaningful but also sustainable in the long term. True connection thrives not in haste but in patience, understanding, and mutual respect.
If you want more love and relationship advice, check out our other posts on the Finding The One blog!
FAQs
Does Slowing Down a Relationship Work?
Slowing down a relationship can be effective when both partners are committed to the process. It helps to build a stronger foundation by ensuring clear communication, healthy boundaries, and mutual respect. If both partners aren’t on board, the relationship may fizzle out.
Can You Fix a Rushed Relationship?
Yes, a rushed relationship can be fixed using open communication, setting realistic expectations, and taking deliberate steps to slow down the pace. It’s important to recalibrate and align on what both partners want.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is when one person showers another with excessive affection, gifts, and attention early in the relationship. It can feel overwhelming and is often used to manipulate or gain control. Recognising love bombing is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries and ensuring a relationship progresses at a comfortable pace.
Is Saying “I Love You” Too Soon a Red Flag?
Saying “I love you” too soon can be a red flag, showing a lack of genuine understanding or emotional immaturity. However, every relationship is unique, and what’s too soon for one might be just right for another, as long as both partners are on board.