Ah, yes, that classic “What are you looking for in a relationship?” question. It’s the one we all dread getting asked, and responding to it feels like you’re answering the million-pound question in Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
It’s one of those ones that feels like an innocent dating app or first date question, but your answer will actually tell your date a lot about you.
It’s like we know what we want in a relationship, but we don’t know how to describe it or put it into words.
Or perhaps, you just haven’t deeply contemplated it before, so you don’t have a clear answer ready.
Well, that’s okay!
This is a great opportunity to reflect on what you truly want in your relationships.
Whether you’ve just been asked the question and you’re scrambling for an answer, or you’re preparing for a first date and want to be ready, we’ve got some tips for you to keep in mind.
If you’re looking for some quick, easy, or safe answers to “What are you looking for in a relationship?”, you might find some of these to be of use…
Looking for something genuine? Try these ideas:
- “I’m looking for a healthy, supportive relationship built on trust and communication.”
- “Someone I can grow with, emotionally, mentally, and maybe even build a life with.”
- “A relationship where we both push each other to be better, but still have fun doing nothing.”
If you’re after something more casual or figuring things out:
- “Right now, I’m exploring connections and seeing what feels right, nothing forced.”
- “I’m open to something casual that’s still kind, respectful, and drama-free.”
- “I’m figuring things out, but I value honesty and fun more than labels at the moment.”
If you’re confident and intentional:
- “Someone I can be myself with. No games, just real connection.”
- “I want a relationship where we’re on the same page about what we want and where we’re going.”
- “Something emotionally mature, where we can laugh, communicate, and really show up for each other.”
Why Do People Ask What You’re Looking for in a Partner?
People ask this question to better understand your intentions, values, and emotional availability.
Whether it’s on a dating app or during a first date, it helps them work out if you’re aligned. Are you looking for something serious or just testing the waters?
It’s also a way to avoid mismatched expectations early on.
Essentially, it’s less about putting you on the spot and more about making sure you’re both playing the same game.
How Do You Answer What You’re Looking for in a Relationship?
The best way to answer is to be honest, clear, and true to where you’re at.
You don’t need to have your entire future mapped out, but you should have a sense of your values and what feels fulfilling to you in a relationship.
Focus on emotional needs, communication style, or lifestyle goals, like wanting stability, shared growth, or just someone who makes you laugh on a lazy Sunday morning.
Keep it real, keep it respectful, and don’t be afraid to say if you’re still figuring it out, either!
Our phrases above can help you out, too.
How to Figure Out What You Want in a Romantic Relationship
If you’re tongue-tied or unsure how to answer, it might be time for some self-reflection.
Many people don’t truly know what they want from a partner if they haven’t given much thought to it, or they haven’t been in a committed relationship previously.
You essentially need to think about:
- How much of your life do you want to share with someone else?
- What are your values and beliefs, and do you want someone who shares them?
- Are you looking for a long-term commitment or something less serious?
- Do you have any deal-breakers or non-negotiables when it comes to relationships?
- How do you want someone to make you feel? Do you know your love language?
- Do you have any life plans or goals that you want a partner to support or join in on?
We’ve discussed some of these a bit more below…
(1) Work Out Your Love Language
Understanding your love language can be a great starting point to determine what you truly want from your relationship.
It helps you to communicate what you need in a relationship effectively and ensures that you and your partner are on the same page emotionally.
| Love Language | Description | Example |
| Words of Affirmation | Values spoken to show affection, appreciation, and encouragement | Compliments, encouraging words, e.g. “I love you”, “You did a great job” |
| Acts of Service | Actions speak louder than words | Doing chores, running errands, and offering help |
| Receiving Gifts | Tangible items show love and thoughtfulness | Gifts (big or small) symbolise affection |
| Quality Time | Focused, undistracted time together | Meaningful conversations, shared activities, uninterrupted company |
| Physical Touch | Physical expressions of affection | Holding hands, hugging, and cuddling |
Why Knowing Your Love Language Matters
Knowing your love language can make a big difference in how you communicate in a relationship. It helps you figure out things in a relationship that are important to you and how to share them with your partner.
When they understand how you feel most loved, it’s easier for them to show it in a way that really matters to you.
Without that clarity, it’s easy for gestures to get missed or for expectations to go unmet, which can lead to frustration or feeling unappreciated.
But when you both know and talk about your love languages, it builds a stronger connection and helps you both feel seen, valued, and happy together.
(2) Deciding What Qualities are Most Important to You
While there are no set rules for what you should look for in a relationship, certain things tend to suggest that you’ll have an easier time curating a healthy one.
Here are our top qualities to look for to help nurture a healthy relationship.
They’re a Genuinely Kind Person
Kindness is at the heart of any strong, loving relationship.
When your partner is genuinely kind, they’re more likely to handle challenges with compassion, show empathy when times are tough, and truly celebrate your wins.
It creates an environment where trust and respect thrive, and both of you feel valued and supported.
No matter your personality or lifestyle, having a partner who leads with kindness helps your relationship grow and brings you closer through all of life’s ups and downs.
They’re Supportive & Understanding
Support and understanding are crucial because they foster a sense of security and emotional safety.
A supportive partner encourages your personal growth and stands by you during challenging times, while an understanding partner listens and empathises with your feelings and perspectives.
Together, these qualities help to navigate relationship hurdles, ensuring both partners feel heard and valued, which builds a strong and resilient emotional connection.
They Have Healthy Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is vital in a relationship because it allows individuals to understand their emotions, needs, and behaviours.
This awareness enables partners to communicate more effectively, address personal issues, and contribute to the relationship’s overall health.
By recognising their strengths and weaknesses, they can work on self-improvement, fostering a more balanced and harmonious partnership.
They Have a Good Sense of Humour
A good sense of humour is useful in a long-term relationship as it can diffuse tension and foster a positive atmosphere.
Laughter strengthens the bond between partners, making challenging situations easier to handle. It also promotes a sense of camaraderie and shared joy, helping to maintain a vibrant and engaging connection over time.
They Have A Strong Work Ethic
A strong work ethic is a beneficial quality in a partner because it indicates reliability and dedication.
Such individuals are committed to both personal and relationship goals, ensuring stability and mutual growth.
Their determination and persistence provide a solid foundation for overcoming challenges together. They are dependable in both everyday tasks and long-term aspirations, thus fostering trust and respect in the relationship.
They Foster Strong Familial Relationships or Friendships
Strong relationships with friends and family are a good quality in a partner because they reflect their ability to build and maintain meaningful connections.
This indicates they are likely to bring the same level of commitment, communication, and empathy to your relationship.
It also suggests they value support systems, which can provide a stable foundation for navigating life’s challenges together.
They Share Your Core Values
Sharing core values with your partner is so important, especially if you’re thinking about building a future together and raising kids.
Your values shape how you see the world, make decisions, and handle challenges. Being on the same page about the basics creates a solid foundation for your relationship.
When it comes to parenting, shared values help keep things consistent, whether it’s discipline, parenting styles, or teaching important life lessons.
This kind of alignment makes for a stable, supportive environment for your kids and helps avoid unnecessary conflicts or confusion.
(3) Finding the Right Relationship Dynamic
When considering what type of relationship dynamic works best for you, it’s helpful to explore the variety of common arrangements that couples might adopt.
Each dynamic has its own set of benefits and challenges, and finding the right one often depends on both partners’ preferences, values, and lifestyles.
| Relationship Dynamic | What It Is | Why It Works for Some People |
| Stay-at-Home Parent | One partner assumes the primary responsibility for managing the household and caring for children, while the other partner is the primary income earner. The stay-at-home parent often handles daily chores, cooking, and child-rearing activities. | This arrangement can provide a stable and nurturing environment for children, but may require careful financial planning and mutual respect for each partner’s contributions. |
| “Trad Wife” | Typically involves the husband working outside the home while the wife focuses on homemaking and possibly child-rearing. | While some find comfort and clarity in these established roles, it’s essential for both partners to openly discuss and agree on their expectations to ensure mutual satisfaction and prevent resentment. |
| Dual Career | Both partners pursue their professional ambitions while sharing domestic responsibilities.This dynamic demands time management, compromise, and the ability to support each other’s career goals. | It can be rewarding as both individuals achieve personal and professional growth, but it also requires negotiating and balancing obligations to maintain harmony at home. |
| Flexible & Fluid | Adjusting roles and responsibilities as needed based on career demands, life changes, or personal preferences. | This adaptable approach allows partners to support each other through different life phases and maintain a balance that evolves over time. |
Don’t Forget About the Importance of Sexual Compatibility!
Sexual compatibility is such an important part of building a strong, lasting relationship. It’s about being on the same page when it comes to values, desires, and expectations around intimacy.
When you and your partner align in your sexual needs and preferences, it can make things smoother, reduce frustration, create fewer misunderstandings, and forge a stronger connection overall.
Talking openly about boundaries, exploring each other’s interests, and addressing concerns with honesty and respect can go a long way in deepening that intimacy.
Key Takeaways: Know How to Answer What You’re Looking for on a Date
Knowing what you want in a relationship is key to clear communication and finding the right match. When you’re clear on your goals, values, and deal-breakers, it’s easier to share your expectations with potential partners.
This kind of honesty can help avoid misunderstandings and make sure you’re both on the same page from the start.
Whether you’re looking for something casual, a serious relationship, or just figuring things out, being upfront about what you want lets you approach dating with confidence and intention.
Once you’ve worked out what you’re looking for in a relationship, download the Wisp app to find your perfect match!
FAQs
Can the Things You Look for in a Relationship Change?
What you want in a relationship can totally change over time.
As you grow, go through new experiences, and life shifts, your priorities and needs can change too. That’s why it’s always a good idea to check in with yourself every once in a while.
Make sure what you’re looking for in a partner still matches where you are in life and what makes you happy.
How Do You Reply to “What Are You Looking For”?
Be open and honest about what you’re looking for. Whether it’s companionship, shared goals, or something long-term, just share what matters most to you. At the same time, leave space for understanding and growth as the relationship evolves.
How Do You Say What You Want in a Relationship?
Say what you’re looking for openly and thoughtfully—focus on important things like trust, communication, or shared values. Keep it short but real, so your message gets across while opening the door for a meaningful conversation.
Do You Need to Know What You Want in a Relationship?
Knowing what you want in a relationship makes all the difference. It helps set clear expectations and makes communication so much easier.
When both people are on the same page, it creates a stronger, more fulfilling connection built on mutual understanding.