Learning how to get to know someone is a subtle art that – once mastered – can lead to strong and meaningful connections. But how do you get to know someone better without coming across as nosey or invasive? Scroll on for our advice…
Whether you struggle with anxiety or you just get flustered when chatting with someone attractive (we’ve all been there!), there are some top tips that can help you master those first interactions with someone new.
Check out our top tips and example questions to prepare you for getting to know your next potential date.
In This Guide:
- How Long Does It Take to Get to Know Someone?
- Top Tips for Getting to Know Someone
- 1. Take a Genuine Interest in Their Interests
- 2. Avoid Rapid Fire Questions
- 3. Keep Things Open-Ended to Hear Stories
- 4. Try to Avoid Super Niche References
- 5. Embrace the Awkwardness
- 6. Be an Active Listener
- 7. Be Honest & Genuine
- 8. Avoid Giving Advice
- 9. Keep Compliments to a Minimum
- 10. Be Understanding & Respectful of Their Time
- 11. Give it Time to Develop
- 15 Good Questions to Get to Know Someone
- 5 Classic Conversation Starters
- Spark a Connection & Build Relationship With Our Top Tips
- FAQs
How Long Does It Take to Get to Know Someone?
Getting to know someone really depends on the situation and how close you want to be. For casual acquaintances, a few good conversations might be all it takes to feel comfortable.
But if you’re looking to build a deeper connection, that can take months, or even years, of meaningful chats and shared experiences.
It’s all about being consistent, open, and willing to ask thoughtful questions while actually listening to what the other person has to say.
It’s important to remember everyone opens up in their own time, so be patient. Genuine relationships are worth the wait.
Can You Get to Know Someone When You Have Social Anxiety?
Yes, you can absolutely get to know someone, even if you have social anxiety. It just takes a little extra care and self-kindness.
- Start by acknowledging your feelings – it’s totally okay to feel nervous in social situations.
- Take small steps, like starting conversations in low-pressure settings or sticking to one-on-one chats instead of big groups.
- Building trust takes time, so don’t rush it. Lean into those little moments of vulnerability, and let connections happen naturally.
It’s also important to set boundaries and take breaks when you need to. Real connections won’t force you to move faster than you’re comfortable. Most importantly, be patient with yourself and celebrate even the smallest wins. You’ve got this!
Top Tips for Getting to Know Someone
While getting to know someone new should be a simple activity, it can be easy to struggle with knowing how to act and what to say in the moment. Here are our top tips for getting to know someone in a meaningful way.
1. Take a Genuine Interest in Their Interests
Taking a genuine interest in someone’s hobbies, passions, and likes is a great way to build a real connection. People open up when they feel like their interests matter.
Asking thoughtful questions and really listening shows you care about who they are. It’s not just about getting to know them better – it’s about building trust and respect, which makes the bond even stronger.
2. Avoid Rapid Fire Questions
Firing off rapid questions can make a conversation feel more like an interrogation than a real chat. It can leave the other person feeling overwhelmed and pressured, which makes it hard for them to open up.
Instead, try giving them a little time to respond naturally. Slowing down and letting the conversation flow at a relaxed pace creates a more genuine connection.
After all, building rapport is about understanding and relating, not rushing to get answers.
3. Keep Things Open-Ended to Hear Stories
Open-ended questions are a great way to get someone talking and sharing more about themselves naturally. Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, try something that encourages them to dive deeper.
For example, instead of saying, “Did you like your holiday?” you could ask, “What was the most exciting part of your holiday?” It’s a simple tweak that can lead to fun stories and memorable moments.
Plus, it keeps the conversation interesting and helps you connect on a deeper level by uncovering details you might not have heard otherwise.
“What would you do if” questions are another great option to help open up the conversation and lead to some interesting discussions!
4. Try to Avoid Super Niche References
Using super niche references in a conversation can sometimes backfire. If the other person doesn’t know or care about the topic, it can create a bit of an awkward gap instead of a connection.
Unless they’ve already shown interest or familiarity, those references might leave them feeling left out or unsure how to respond. Instead of keeping the conversation going, it can make things feel a bit disconnected.
Sticking to broader, more relatable topics is usually a safer bet – everyone feels included, and the conversation flows better for everyone.
5. Embrace the Awkwardness
Meeting someone new can feel a little awkward, and that’s totally normal. It happens because you’re figuring out how to communicate with each other and navigate the situation. Instead of fighting it or trying to avoid it, why not embrace the awkwardness?
It shows you’re human and authentic, which can actually help build a stronger connection. Leaning into those moments shows vulnerability and can make the other person feel more comfortable, too.
Awkwardness is something we all experience, and a little humour or light-heartedness can go a long way in breaking the tension. When you accept it as part of the process, it often feels a lot less awkward!
6. Be an Active Listener
Active listening is such an important skill for connecting with others. When you really listen – without interrupting or jumping in with your own thoughts – it shows that you truly value what the other person is saying. It’s not just about hearing their words, but also tuning into their emotions and intentions.
Simple things like keeping eye contact, nodding, and responding thoughtfully go a long way in showing genuine interest and empathy. When you listen actively, you build trust and understanding, making it easier for people to open up.
Plus, it leads to deeper, more meaningful conversations because people feel heard and appreciated.
Active listening is all about really focusing on what someone is saying, understanding them, and responding thoughtfully. It means giving your full attention, showing empathy, and recognising their emotions and ideas.
When you practice active listening, you build trust, strengthen relationships, and communicate more effectively, whether in your personal life or at work.
7. Be Honest & Genuine
Being honest and genuine is key to building trust and real connections. When you’re honest, you create a sense of transparency where people can trust what you say and do.
And being genuine? That just means staying true to yourself and others—no pretending, no faking it. When you’re authentic, people get to see the real you, which makes it easier to build mutual respect and openness.
By practising honesty and genuineness, you strengthen relationships, work better with others, and make sure every interaction is built on integrity.
8. Avoid Giving Advice
When you first meet someone, jumping in with advice can unintentionally create some distance, even if you think they’re asking for said advice. Why? Because trust and rapport haven’t been built yet, and your suggestions might come off as a bit pushy or overly opinionated.
Most of the time, people just want someone to really listen and understand where they’re coming from, not immediately try to fix things.
By holding back on the advice, you can focus on getting to know their perspective and building a real connection. It shows you respect their independence and gives them the space to open up more, which leads to much better conversations down the line.
9. Keep Compliments to a Minimum
Compliments are great for building connections, but too much of a good thing can backfire. Constantly showering someone with praise can come off as fake or make you seem overly eager to please, which can get awkward or even push people away.
The key is balance.
Stick to giving genuine compliments when they’re truly deserved. That way, your words feel authentic and meaningful, creating mutual respect instead of making you seem over-the-top or needy.
10. Be Understanding & Respectful of Their Time
We all have responsibilities, commitments, and personal time that matters to us. Respecting someone’s time means recognising their boundaries and not taking over their day, whether in person or through nonstop texting.
Engage with them, but also give them the space they need. Bombarding someone with constant messages or demands can feel exhausting and might even frustrate them.
Instead, focus on having meaningful conversations when the moment feels right, and trust that respecting each other’s time will naturally strengthen your connection.
11. Give it Time to Develop
Building a meaningful relationship takes time, it’s not something that happens overnight. And while that’s obvious, it can do well to just gently remind yourself of that.
You need patience and a willingness to let things happen naturally. Rushing or expecting instant results can just add unnecessary pressure and get in the way of building a real connection.
Take your time to get to know each other’s values, habits, and little quirks. It’s this gradual process that creates trust and mutual respect.
At the end of the day, it’s the small, consistent efforts that make a bond strong. So, trust the process and enjoy the journey as it unfolds.
15 Good Questions to Get to Know Someone
If you tend to get nervous when talking to someone new or someone you fancy, it’s a good idea to be armed with some questions to help you out when the conversation gets quiet.
Here are some of our top questions to help you get to know someone.
- What’s a hobby or activity you really enjoy?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- What’s your favourite childhood memory?
- Do you prefer mornings or evenings, and why?
- Who has been the most influential person in your life?
- What type of music do you enjoy, and do you have a favourite artist?
- If you could learn any new skill instantly, what would it be?
- What’s the best book you’ve read recently, or do you have an all-time favourite?
- How do you like to spend your weekends?
- Do you prefer city life or being closer to nature?
- What’s a dream or goal you’re currently working towards?
- Is there a meal or dish that always brings you comfort?
- What’s a fun or unusual fact about yourself that most people don’t know?
- Do you enjoy watching any particular films or TV shows?
- If you had unlimited free time, how would you spend it?
7 Deep Questions to Get to Know Someone Better
If you’ve got past the initial first date chat and want to get to know your date on a deeper level, here are some questions you can ask to get beyond the surface level and find out a bit more about them.
- What experience has shaped you the most in life so far?
- If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?
- What is a value or principle you hold close to your heart?
- How do you usually cope with challenges or difficult situations?
- What is a memory that always brings a smile to your face?
- Who has been the most influential person in your life, and why?
- If you could spend a day in someone else’s shoes, whose life would you want to experience?
5 Classic Conversation Starters
Of course, you don’t want to be bombarding your date with questions like a police interrogation, so here are some classic conversation starters to help keep things flowing.
- If you could travel to any place in the world right now, where would you go and why?
- What’s the most memorable meal you’ve ever had, and what made it special?
- If you could meet any historical figure, who would it be, and what would you ask them?
- What’s a hobby or activity you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
- What’s the best book or article you’ve read recently, and what did you love about it?
Spark a Connection & Build Relationship With Our Top Tips
Want to build real connections? It all starts with great conversations. Try active listening, show genuine interest in their stories, and don’t be afraid to share your own.
Relationships grow when there’s empathy, open communication, and authenticity. Create a comfy, engaging vibe, and you’ll set the stage for something that could turn into lasting love.
If you want more expert love and relationship advice, check out the Finding The One blog!
FAQs
Should You Ask Personal Questions to Get to Know Someone?
Yes, personal questions can help you understand someone better, but ensure they feel comfortable. Start with light topics and gauge their response, building trust before diving deeper. Respect boundaries and focus on creating mutual openness and understanding.
How Do You Start Getting to Know Someone?
Start by asking open-ended questions about their interests or experiences. Share something about yourself to create a mutual exchange. Keep the conversation natural, listen actively, and pay attention to their responses to build a genuine connection.
How Do You Get to Know Someone Deeply?
To know someone deeply, foster meaningful conversations by exploring their values, dreams, and fears. Spend quality time together, listen actively, and be patient. Genuine curiosity and trust-building are key to uncovering the layers of their personality and experiences.
What Should You Ask a Man to Get to Know Him?
Ask about his passions, goals, and favourite memories to understand his personality. Questions about his childhood, hobbies, and views on life can create meaningful dialogue. Ensure the conversation remains respectful and focused on building a genuine connection.