Butterflies. Sweaty palms. Flushed cheeks. These are all things we associate with the start of a relationship, but is it really love? When it comes to infatuation vs love, it can be hard to tell the difference, but we can help you work out which you’re feeling right now.
In This Guide:
- What Is Infatuation?
- So, What is Love?
- The Differences Between Love & Infatuation
- How Do You Know If It's Infatuation or Love?
- How Long Does Infatuation Last?
- Does Infatuation Always Turn Into Love?
- The Bottom Line: Are You Falling in Love or Lust?
- FAQs
Whether you’ve been burned by a brief infatuation before or you just want to protect yourself from getting hurt, it’s important to understand the key differences between them to find lasting love.
While both can cause intense emotions, there are some significant distinctions that can help you determine if what you’re feeling is true love or just a passing crush.
What Is Infatuation?
Infatuation is that intense, short-lived crush often fuelled by physical attraction or an idealised version of someone, focusing on their looks or charm.
It can feel exciting and even a little obsessive, but it usually doesn’t go very deep. Unlike love, infatuation skips over truly understanding who the person really is.
That’s why it tends to fade pretty quickly once the initial thrill is gone or when real challenges come up in the relationship.
So, What is Love?
Unlike infatuation, love is so much more than just surface-level attraction. It’s about a real connection built on respect, trust, and understanding, where both people truly care about each other’s happiness and well-being.
It doesn’t happen overnight — it grows over time through shared experiences, honest communication, and being emotionally open.
Also unlike infatuation, love takes effort and patience, and it gets stronger as you face challenges and changes together.
Read our article on the qualities of a healthy relationship to further determine whether your partnership is genuine.
The Differences Between Love & Infatuation
If the definitions of love and infatuation weren’t clear enough, let’s break it down further…
| Love | Infatuation | |
| Depth of Emotion | Deep, enduring connection focused on mutual well-being and happiness | Intense but shallow emotions that may fade |
| Focus | Prioritises the other person’s needs; involves genuine care and support | Self-centred: focuses on how the other person makes you feel |
| Longevity | Develops and grows over time, strengthened by challenges and shared experiences | Fleeting. Fades as initial excitement diminishes |
| Reality vs. Idealisation | Accepts and appreciates the person for who they truly are, flaws and all | Idealises the other person and overlooks imperfections |
| Communication & Understanding | Thrives on honest communication and mutual understanding | Lacks depth in communication; interactions revolve around surface-level attraction |
| Commitment | Built on trust, patience, and a willingness to work through difficulties | Rarely leads to the level of commitment required for a long-term relationship |
While physical attraction may initially draw two people together, true love is powered by much more than just surface-level infatuation. You’ll feel just as much care towards the other person’s wants and well-being as you do your own, almost like you’re connected to this person in a deeper way.
Infatuation can almost be compared to a book with imperfections.
It may seem perfect at first glance, but as you start to read and get to know it, you realise there are flaws and inconsistencies.
In contrast, true love is like an idealised version of yourself — it may not be perfect, but it brings out the best in you and encourages growth.
How Do You Know If It’s Infatuation or Love?
So, that’s the definitions of the two, but what about actually being able to tell what situation you’re in? That’s the tricky bit.
There are some telltale signs as to whether you’re clouded by infatuation or if you’ve truly found love, and these are the most obvious…
| Signs of Infatuation | Signs of True Love |
| Obsessive thoughts about you driven by attraction rather than a deep emotional bond | They prioritise your happiness and often put your needs and feelings ahead of their own |
| Rushing into intimacy, physically or emotionally, without taking time to truly know each other | They share thoughts, feelings, and concerns freely, fostering trust and openness with one another |
| Idealising you, putting you on a pedestal, ignoring flaws and focusing only on your positive traits | They accept you for who you are, with all your strengths and imperfections, without trying to change or control you |
| Short-term focus on immediate gratification rather than long-term plans or commitments | They support your goals and dreams while celebrating your achievements with genuine pride |
| Extreme emotional highs and lows, with intense joy when together and dramatic lows when apart, showing instability | They are consistent and committed to building a healthy and lasting relationship with you. |
| Self-centred attention, focusing on how being with you makes them feel, rather than considering your needs or emotions | They respect your boundaries and give you space when needed |
How Long Does Infatuation Last?
Infatuation doesn’t last forever, but how long it sticks around can really depend on the person and the relationship.
On average, it’s usually anywhere from a few months to about two years.
During this time, everything feels intense. Strong emotions, physical attraction, and seeing the other person through rose-tinted glasses.
But as time goes on and you both start to see each other’s real selves, infatuation might fade or turn into something deeper and more lasting, like love.
Whether it grows into that deeper connection often comes down to things like how well you communicate, how compatible you are, and if you share similar values.
Does Infatuation Always Turn Into Love?
Not really. Infatuation and love are two different things. While infatuation can sometimes turn into love, it doesn’t always work that way.
Infatuation is usually all about intense feelings and seeing the other person as perfect, but it often lacks the trust, understanding, and depth that love needs.
Love, on the other hand, takes time to grow.
If a relationship is only based on those fleeting infatuation feelings and there’s no deeper compatibility, it’s less likely to turn into lasting love.
Move Past Infatuation to Strong Relationships With Finding The One
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The Bottom Line: Are You Falling in Love or Lust?
At the start of a relationship, it’s easy to confuse love with infatuation. The excitement and butterflies can feel real, but infatuation often masks red flags or compatibility issues. Love, on the other hand, grows through trust, understanding, and shared values.
By reflecting honestly, you can determine if your connection has a solid foundation or is just a fleeting spark. True love requires honesty and a healthy, grounded approach to building the relationship.
Find more of our expert advice on love, dating, and relationships to help you find the lasting love you deserve on the Finding The One blog!
FAQs
Is Infatuation Stronger Than Love?
Infatuation is intense but fleeting, driven by attraction and excitement, whereas love is deeper and more enduring, rooted in trust, understanding, and commitment. Love strengthens over time, while infatuation tends to fade without a solid emotional connection.
Why Am I Infatuated With Someone I Barely Know?
Infatuation with someone you barely know often stems from physical attraction, idealised perceptions, or emotional longing. This intense interest can be based on fantasies rather than reality, and it may fade as you truly get to know the person.
How Do I Tell If I’m In Love?
Love is characterised by deep emotional attachment, mutual respect, and shared values.
Unlike infatuation, it grows over time, prioritises your partner’s well-being, and involves trust, commitment, and understanding, making it a fulfilling and enduring connection.
What to Avoid During the Infatuation Stage?
Avoid making impulsive decisions, ignoring red flags, or idealising the person excessively.
Focus on getting to know them realistically, maintaining healthy boundaries, and balancing emotions with logic to ensure a stable and genuine connection as feelings mature over time.