Do you text your other half every ten minutes? Do you freak out if they don’t respond quickly enough? If you answered yes, you need to learn how to stop being clingy in relationships to keep your relationship strong without being suffocating.
There’s a fine line between being affectionate and being clingy. It’s totally normal to want attention and reassurance from your partner, but constantly needing it can actually push them away.
Being too clingy can leave your partner feeling smothered or even trapped in the relationship, which isn’t good for either of you. Over time, it can lead to frustration and resentment on both sides.
So, how do you stop being clingy? Here’s our advice…
How to Not Be Clingy in Your Love Life
Whether you’re being clingy for the first time in your relationship history or it’s a pattern that’s doomed all your previous relationships, you don’t have to accept it as your status quo.
There are some steps you can take to reduce your neediness in a relationship and build a healthier connection that really lasts this time.
1. Acknowledge Your Needy Personality
The first step in improving anything is to admit you have a problem.
Alright, being a bit clingy isn’t the worst thing, but acknowledging that you have a needy personality or clingy traits is necessary to make any meaningful change.
This can be as simple as talking to your partner about your behaviour and letting them know you’re aware of how you’ve been acting, and acknowledging that it’s not okay.
You’ll probably find that your partner feels a huge relief that they don’t have to broach the subject themselves and that you’re taking responsibility for change.
2. Put Your Phone Down for a Bit
In the age of smartphones, it’s easier than ever to be overly clingy and suffocating if you have needy tendencies. Having a means of communication within reach at all times makes it all too easy to bombard your partner with messages all day long.
If you find yourself reaching for your phone to call or text your partner regularly throughout the day before they’ve even responded to your last message, it’s time to put the phone down and step away!
When you get the urge to contact your partner repeatedly throughout the day, take a breath, ask yourself if the message is urgent or not, and then put the phone down.
It can be helpful to think about what they’re doing instead of instantly replying to you.
Are they at work? Are they with friends or family? Are they driving?
Respecting that your partner has responsibilities (and a life) can help put your messaging into perspective a bit.
Top Tip
If you’re really struggling to limit communication to a reasonable amount, many phones have settings that allow you to limit your use of certain apps or your phone altogether. These can help you break the habit of excessive messaging.
3. Work on Building Your Self-Esteem
Clinginess often stems from a lack of self-esteem, which creates a deep fear that we’re not good enough for our partner and that they’ll leave us—or cheat on us!—if we’re not constantly reminding them that we love them.
First of all, it’s not your fault if your self-esteem is lacking. We certainly all have our wobbles from time to time, but that’s not an excuse not to work on it.
If you have specifics that you know you don’t like about yourself, whether it’s your weight, fitness levels, or level of education, you can work on these things to boost your self-belief and self-love.
If you struggle with a more general lack of confidence, it’s time to start proactively looking for all the good things, like…
- Pay attention to how many friends and family you talk to regularly who love a good natter with you.
- Think about the things you’ve done that have made you feel good about yourself, like helping someone or saving a frog from becoming roadkill and do more of that.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”— Sharon Salzberg
4. Spend Time With Friends & Family
When your world is limited to just spending time with your significant other, it can be easy to end up spending your life in limbo, just waiting for them to text you back or visit you.
That’s no way to live a life.
Making an effort to spend more time with your friends and family is a simple way to get you out of your head and back into the real world. Surrounding yourself with loved ones who support and care for you can provide a much-needed boost to your self-esteem and security.
5. Indulge in Your Hobbies
In the spirit of doing things you love on your own, away from your partner, indulging in hobbies is a great way to avoid getting too clingy or dependent.
When you spend time on hobbies that make you happy, you get to focus on yourself and reconnect with who you are outside the relationship.
Diving into your passions can feel really fulfilling and help shift your focus away from always leaning on your partner for emotional support.
6. Seek Professional Help to Cope
If you’re finding it particularly difficult to break clingy habits and behaviours, seeking help from a professional therapist can be a transformative step.
A therapist can provide you with valuable tools and strategies to better understand your attachment patterns and adjust your mindset toward healthier relationships and breaking down internal barriers.
Professional guidance can help you develop stronger self-worth, set boundaries, and foster a sense of independence, ultimately enabling you to build more balanced and fulfilling connections.
Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, and investing in yourself can have a lasting positive impact on your life and relationships.
What Does Clinginess Look Like in Relationships?
Clinginess in relationships often manifests as excessive dependency on a partner for emotional support or validation. This can include constant texting or calling, needing continual reassurance, or feeling insecure when apart.
It may also appear as difficulty respecting personal boundaries or attempting to control a partner’s time and attention.
While seeking closeness is natural, overly clingy behaviour can strain the relationship, making one partner feel overwhelmed and the other overly dependent.
Recognising these patterns is the first step towards fostering healthier and more balanced dynamics.
The Impact of Clingy Behaviour on a Relationship
Clingy behaviour can take a real toll on a relationship, especially in romantic ones.
It can leave the other person feeling smothered or frustrated, like their independence and personal space are constantly being invaded. Over time, that can lead to emotional exhaustion and even resentment, which might push them away instead of bringing you closer.
For the person being clingy, this behaviour is often rooted in fear of abandonment or insecurity. Unfortunately, it can create a self-fulfilling cycle where the more they cling, the more distance they create—the very thing they’re trying to avoid.
If left unchecked, this dynamic can chip away at trust, weaken emotional intimacy, and upset the balance of respect in the relationship, putting unnecessary strain on both partners.
Why Am I So Needy? The Causes of Clinginess
If you find yourself being the clingy one in your relationship, it can be difficult to know why you’re behaving that way, but it’s important to work out the root cause if you want to work on getting your relationship back on track.
Here are the most common causes of neediness and clinginess in relationships.
1. It’s Just Your Attachment Style
Sometimes, our behaviour is deeply rooted in our early experiences of relationships, namely our attachment styles. Your attachment style usually starts forming in childhood, shaped by the relationship you had with your caregivers.
If your emotional needs weren’t consistently met, you might develop an anxious attachment style. This often shows up as a fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance, which can make you feel clingy in relationships.
You might find yourself doubting whether your partner really cares about you, leading to a strong urge to stay close and seek validation.
If this is the cause of your clinginess, professional therapy can help.
2. High Levels of Anxiety
Anxiety, whether it’s general or tied to your relationship, can sometimes make us act clingy as a way to feel safe and in control.
When those anxious feelings spike, it’s easy to start fearing rejection, abandonment, or just the unknown, which can lead to being overly needy or constantly looking for reassurance. Unfortunately, this can put a lot of strain on your relationship and create even more tension.
The good news? There are ways to manage it. Mindfulness practices, open and honest talks with your partner, or even doing something like yoga can help calm those anxious thoughts.
3. You Lack Self-Confidence
Feeling low on self-confidence, like dealing with anxiety, can sometimes make you act clingy in a relationship.
You might find yourself constantly looking for validation from your partner to feel valued, which can lead to over-dependence and strain the relationship.
To build up your confidence, you can…
- Start small—set achievable goals and celebrate your wins, no matter how tiny they are
- Make time for self-care, surround yourself with positive, supportive people
- Do things that genuinely make you happy
The more you focus on yourself, the more confident and independent you’ll feel, which can help create healthier, more balanced relationships.
4. You Have a Need for Control
A deep-seated need for control can manifest as clingy behaviour to ensure your partner conforms to your expectations.
This unhealthy dynamic can escalate into manipulative or even abusive actions if left unchecked, damaging both individuals and the relationship.
Recognising these tendencies is vital, and seeking professional help, such as therapy or counselling, can provide support in addressing control issues.
5. You Have Trust Issues From Past Relationship Trauma
Trust issues from past relationship trauma can sometimes make people act clingy or overly dependent.
The fear of being abandoned or betrayed can really take a toll. That’s why it’s so important to take time to heal and focus on personal growth after a toxic relationship instead of jumping into something new right away.
Are you really ready to be in a relationship? Take our quiz below to find out…
What to Do If Your Partner is a Clingy Person
If your partner is the one that’s being overly clingy and you’re feeling suffocated, there are some things you can do to approach the subject in a tactful way and take steps towards improving your relationship.
- Communicate Openly: Gently express your feelings and concerns, emphasising that you’re addressing the issue to strengthen the relationship, not criticising them.
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Clearly establish personal space and time for individual activities, which can help balance the relationship.
- Encourage Independence: Support your partner in pursuing their hobbies, interests, or social connections outside the relationship.
- Seek Professional Help: Suggest counselling or therapy as a safe space to explore the root causes of their clinginess and learn healthier relationship habits.
- Be Patient: Change takes time, so approach the issue with compassion and understanding.
Of course, it’s fine to make the decision to leave the relationship if it’s beyond repair and has strayed into toxic or even abusive territory. Your mental health should be your priority, no matter what.
Let Go of Neediness in a Relationship With Our Tips
If you feel like you’re a bit on the needy side, don’t worry—you don’t have to stay stuck in that pattern. With a few tips, you can start breaking the cycle, building confidence, and creating healthier habits.
Finding the right balance between independence and connection can lead to relationships that feel more fulfilling and balanced, where both partners feel appreciated. Change isn’t always easy, but with some dedication and self-compassion, it’s absolutely possible!
You can find more relationship advice on our blog with realistic, actionable tips from our relationship experts to help you find lasting love.
FAQs
Is Being Clingy Toxic?
Clinginess isn’t inherently toxic, but excessive dependence can strain a relationship. It’s important to maintain a healthy balance between closeness and individuality, ensuring both partners have space to grow while fostering connection and mutual respect.
Can You Recover from Being Too Clingy?
Yes, you can recover from being too clingy by practising self-awareness, building self-confidence, and establishing boundaries. Focus on personal growth and communication to create a healthier dynamic while allowing your partner the space they need to thrive.
Why Do I Attract Clingy?
Clingy people may be drawn to your nurturing nature or emotional availability. While this can be positive, setting firm boundaries and recognising your needs ensures healthier relationships, allowing both you and your partner to maintain balance and independence.
How to Play Hard to Get After Being Clingy?
Focus on creating mystery and maintaining independence by pursuing your own interests and hobbies. Communicate in a calm and confident manner, avoiding overavailability while still showing genuine interest. This balance helps attract attention without appearing overly dependent.