If you’re experiencing a run of dry conversations that don’t lead to anything worth your time and effort, it sounds like you need to know how to avoid dead chat.
Dead chat is one of the most tedious things about online dating, and it’s inevitable if you don’t know the right conversation techniques or how to recognise when it’s time to put the phone down.
Luckily, in this guide, we’ve put together a list of conversations to have when you feel things getting boring, when to let a conversation fizzle out, and how to pick it up again when you’re ready.
This is how to avoid dead chat 101.
In This Guide:
- How to Keep a Text Conversation Going
- 1. Build on Their Replies – A Bit of Parroting Never Hurt Anyone
- 2. Ask Open Questions (Don't Expect a Lengthy Reply from "How Are You?")
- 3. Refer Back to Things You've Already Spoken About – In a Non-Creepy Way
- 4. Balance Sharing & Asking – Don't Just Fire Questions or Make it the 'You Show'
- 5. Use Voice Notes or Memes – If the Timing's Right
- When to Let a Dead Conversation Fizzle Out
- How to Continue a Conversation that Previously Failed
- Being Mindful of Your Own Texting Style
- Conclusion: Surviving Dead Chat While Online Dating
While dating fatigue is common, it shouldn’t be as normalised as it is. If you think you’re experiencing dating fatigue, you should do what you can to combat it.
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How to Keep a Text Conversation Going
Everyone struggles to keep a text convo going sometimes, especially if you haven’t met the person yet and don’t know their vibe, interests, or dislikes.
It can sometimes feel awkward, especially if you’re interested in the person and don’t want to say the wrong thing.
But don’t worry – you’re not alone.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to get out of your comfort zone and learn how to make conversations more interesting, using tactics like these…
1. Build on Their Replies – A Bit of Parroting Never Hurt Anyone
Parroting is the texting method used when things get a little dead in the water. As long as you don’t use it all the time or make it painfully obvious when you do, it can be an effective way to keep the convo going.
What we mean by parroting is when, for example, someone texts you saying, “I had to go to the shop today and get my phone fixed.” Instead of saying “Oh no, how annoying,” you could say, “Get your phone fixed? What happened?“
You’re using the exact last few words they said, but adding something else to it.
2. Ask Open Questions (Don’t Expect a Lengthy Reply from “How Are You?”)
This one’s obvious, but by asking closed questions, you’re inviting a dead response.
By asking varied open questions, like “What have you done this week?“, “Tell me about your last holiday, I need inspiration“, or “What did you think about the last episode of …“, you’re encouraging a longer response that you can build on.
3. Refer Back to Things You’ve Already Spoken About – In a Non-Creepy Way
We don’t mean to remember every last thing they say and bring it up every other day. That might come across as a little intense to some people.
Instead, when the conversation is getting a bit dry, you can bring up relevant topics.
Did they go to a gig recently? Ask them how it was. Did they say they hate work? Ask them if it’s got any better this week.
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4. Balance Sharing & Asking – Don’t Just Fire Questions or Make it the ‘You Show’
There’s got to be an even balance between asking them questions and talking about yourself.
You don’t want to make it seem like they’re being interviewed. If the questions are relentless, this is a surefire way to receive one-word replies.
Similarly, don’t just chat about yourself.
As much as online dating is about getting to know the person on the other end of the phone, they don’t want to hear your life story after a few back-and-forth messages, especially if they’re not feeling like you’re interested in them.
A healthy balance is key to keeping the conversation flowing.
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5. Use Voice Notes or Memes – If the Timing’s Right
Sometimes, constant texting can get boring, even if the conversation is going well. If you feel comfortable and the conversations are lighthearted, why not send a voice note or meme?
If this isn’t your style, you don’t have to try it, but it is a fun way to mix up the conversation and make it a little more interesting.
Obviously, if they’ve just told you their pets died, we don’t recommend trying to lighten the mood with a GIF.
When to Let a Dead Conversation Fizzle Out
Sometimes, keeping a conversation going isn’t the best thing to do for the sake of your own sanity, dignity, and time.
Instead, you could naturally let the dry conversation come to a halt, or you could let the other person know that you’re no longer interested in talking to them.
Either way, here are some signs that you might want to end the conversation where it is.
1. Cut Your Losses After a Few Failed Attempts
If the person you’re texting hasn’t replied to you after a few attempts to continue the conversation, it’s okay to let go.
There’s no point putting effort into something when you’re not receiving the same back.
2. Consistently Getting One-Word Answers is the Biggest Tell-Tale
Are you getting a constant string of replies like “lol“, “yeah“, or “cool“?
This is probably a sign that the person you’re talking to isn’t interested in the conversation, or even interested in you.
Someone engaged in the conversation will put effort into their replies and want to learn more about you. One-word answers don’t indicate that, and it’s okay to let the conversation fizzle out at this stage.
3. If You’re Always the One Initiating Convo
If the person you’re texting never texts you first, and you always have to come up with the openers, ask yourself why this might be.
It might just be that they’re nervous about starting the conversation, but it could also suggest they aren’t that bothered about talking to you, but feel too bad to ghost you.
The best way to differentiate these two scenarios is to leave it to them to initiate the conversation first.
If they text you, you’ll know your situation isn’t one-sided, which will help you raise your confidence. It’s a win-win.
However, if they don’t end up texting you again, this also might be a blessing in disguise.
At least you’re not wasting your time on someone who isn’t interested.
4. Good Old Gut Feeling
Lastly, if you feel like you should end the conversation because you’re not getting what you want out of it, just allow it to naturally fizzle out.
You could let them know that you’re not feeling it anymore to get closure, but you also don’t owe them an explanation if you don’t feel like it, especially if you haven’t been speaking for very long, and their replies don’t indicate they have feelings towards you.
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How to Continue a Conversation that Previously Failed
Now, if you’ve let a dead conversation go recently, but you can’t seem to get that person out of your head and wonder where it could have gone, there’s nothing stopping you from attempting to restart the conversation.
You’ll soon find out whether they’re interested or not, but it could be a case of both of you waiting for the other to text first.
Of course, approach this with caution.
If it was them who ended the conversation, it’s probably best to leave it.
But if it were you, and you want to give things another try, it could end in a dating success!
Acknowledge the Pause With Honesty
A bit of honesty and humour can go a long way when rekindling a conversation.
Try sending a GIF, using a meme, or saying something like, “This conversation really ghosted us, lol. What have you been up to?“
If they reply, that’s great, and if they don’t, that’s okay! At least you tried.
Use a Prompt (if You’ve Got One)
If you haven’t spoken to your texting partner in a few days or weeks, you could try bringing up something you’ve previously spoken about to get the conversation going again.
Did you talk about a job interview the other person might have had? Ask them how it went. Or, you could say something totally random, like “Remember when we spoke about…? What did you end up doing about that?”
There are plenty of things you could say to get things going again. Just get a little creative with it.
The worst thing that can happen is they don’t reply, but that happens to us all!
Bring Up a Recent Event or Shared Interest if the Timing’s Good
Pick the conversation back up casually by dropping in something you had in common when you were regularly texting.
Don’t apologise for doing it, just say something like “You know that band we talked about? I got tickets last week for their show, and remembered our chat!“
Obviously, don’t lie to start another conversation, but if you actually have something to say, it could be perfect timing!
Being Mindful of Your Own Texting Style
If you’re going through a patch of constant dead conversations, it might be worth examining your own texting style to make sure you’re not killing these conversations without knowing.
Here are some things to be aware of:
- Avoid one-word replies — We’ve already spoken about this in the opposite scenario, but if you’re sending “nice” or “fine,” it’s no wonder the conversation has gone quiet.
- Mirror their energy — If they send long, enthusiastic messages, and you give one-word responses, or generally seem disinterested, the conversation won’t last long.
- Be clear — Misunderstandings occur all too frequently over text, and sometimes, a misunderstanding can cause the other person to stop the conversation, and you’ll be confused as to why. Always be as clear as possible in your texts.
- Don’t overthink long waits for replies — Not everyone is on their phone 24/7, and sometimes people can be genuinely busy. Don’t give a blunt reply to someone who’s left you on delivered for a few hours just because you think it’s ‘getting them back’. You could just be shooting yourself in the foot!
- Watch out for your tone — Jokes or sarcasm can be hard to read over a text message. Unless a person knows you, they’ll likely misread the situation, which could end in a stunted conversation.
Conclusion: Surviving Dead Chat While Online Dating
Surviving dead chat isn’t for the faint-hearted, that’s for sure. It can be one of the most draining parts about online dating, and sometimes, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Hopefully, you now have some cues you can use when the chat gets a little boring and you want to turn things up a gear.
Plus, you might find it easier to recognise signs of dead chat past the point of saving. This will allow you to focus your time on people who are actually worth it.
Avoid Dead Chat With Wisp!
If you want to meet like-minded people looking for meaningful conversation without all the dead chat, why not download Wisp?
Wisp is for people who actually want to make it to the date, which is why we use our clever algorithms to match you with the best potential suitors.
Once you’ve got your match, we’ll help you make it to the date, so you can make a genuine connection, in real life, without worrying about the chat dying.
Make your profile on Wisp today, and watch your dating life flourish from boring conversations to meaningful relationships!
FAQs
How Do I Not Have Dead Chat?
If you’re worried it’s actually you bringing the dead chat to the conversations, there are a few things you can do to inject some fun and interest back in.
For example, stop with the one-word responses, ask open-ended questions, and be as clear as possible in your messages.
How Do I Stop a Conversation from Dying?
If you think a conversation is worth saving, there are a few things you can do to drag it back from the trenches.
For example, you can balance sharing things about yourself with asking open-ended questions, build on their replies, or even send some voice notes or memes to keep things lighthearted.
There are plenty of things you can do to keep the conversation flowing, but if it’s time to let go, that’s okay, too.
How Do I Keep a Conversation Interesting?
If you want to ensure the conversation doesn’t come to a halt, you can try to keep things interesting by building on their responses, referring back to things you’ve previously spoken about, and mixing it up by sending some voice notes, photos, or GIFs.
How Do You Never Run Out of Things to Say?
Eventually, we all run out of things to say, even if we’re talking to our closest friends or family members! At some point, the conversation will run its course.
It’s important to recognise when to leave the conversation. You can always pick it up tomorrow, but texting a person 24/7 won’t build the connection you think it will.
If you want some help recognising when to press pause on a convo, head to our blog post above!