You’ve been seeing them for three months. Maybe four. You’re sleeping together, texting daily, spending weekends together. You’ve met their friends. They’ve met yours. You have a toothbrush at their flat.
But you haven’t had The Conversation. You don’t know if you’re exclusive. You don’t know where this is going. You don’t even know if you’re allowed to call them your partner.
Welcome to the situationship. Population: most of modern dating.
“It’s the relationship equivalent of Schrodinger’s cat,” says Hugo, 29, from London, currently navigating his second situationship in eighteen months. “Until you open the box and define what you are, you both exist in every possible state simultaneously. Dating. Not dating. Exclusive. Not exclusive. It’s exhausting.”
He’s not wrong. The situationship has become the default mode of modern romantic connection, particularly among Wisp users in their twenties and thirties. It’s not quite casual sex—there’s emotional involvement, consistency, sometimes genuine care. But it’s not quite a relationship either—there’s no label, no clear commitment, no shared understanding of what happens next.
And for many people, that’s exactly the problem.
How Situationships Happen
The situationship rarely starts intentionally. Usually, it begins like any other connection: two people meet, feel chemistry, start spending time together. The early stages are exciting. There’s potential in the air. Everything feels possible.
Then weeks turn into months. The connection deepens. Feelings develop. But somehow, the conversation about what you actually are to each other never quite happens.
“I kept waiting for him to bring it up,” admits Priya, 31, from Manchester, describing a six-month situationship that recently ended. “And he was probably waiting for me to bring it up. So neither of us did. We just… drifted along in this undefined space until he met someone else who actually asked him to be her boyfriend.”
The situationship thrives on ambiguity. It allows both parties to enjoy the benefits of partnership—companionship, intimacy, emotional support—without the vulnerability of formal commitment. If things end, you can tell yourself it “wasn’t really a relationship anyway.” If things continue, you never have to risk the rejection that might come from asking for more.
It’s dating designed by people afraid of getting hurt. Which is, of course, most people.
The Wisp Data
Wisp’s user surveys reveal telling patterns about situationships:
- 67% of users aged 25-35 report having been in at least one situationship in the past two years
- 41% stayed in undefined connections for 3+ months without clarifying the relationship status
- 78% of those who eventually asked for definition report that their partner was either “relieved” or “had been thinking the same thing”
The numbers tell a clear story: most situationships continue because neither person wants to be the one to initiate The Conversation. Not because both people genuinely prefer ambiguity.
“I think a lot of situationships are just two people who both want a relationship,” suggests dating coach and Wisp advisor Melissa Chen. “But they’re both so afraid of rejection that they hide behind ‘going with the flow’ and ‘seeing where things go.’ Where things go, usually, is nowhere. Because undefined things tend to drift apart rather than grow stronger.”
The Emotional Cost
Situationships feel safe in theory. In practice, they often create more anxiety than actual relationships.
“I spent six months in this weird limbo with someone,” recalls Sophie, 28, from Leeds. “And I was constantly anxious. Are we exclusive? Should I delete my apps? Are they still seeing other people? Can I call them my boyfriend? Do they see a future with me, or am I just convenient right now?”
The ambiguity that feels protective actually generates constant low-grade stress. Every interaction becomes loaded with subtext. Every delayed text response triggers insecurity. Every mention of the future becomes a test: will they include me in theirs, or dodge the question?
“It was worse than being single,” Sophie continues. “When you’re single, you know where you stand. In a situationship, you’re simultaneously attached and insecure. You care, but you don’t have the security that would let you relax into caring.”
Why We Stay Stuck
If situationships cause this much stress, why do people stay in them? The reasons are complicated:
Fear of rejection. Asking for definition means risking a “no.” Better to stay in comfortable ambiguity than face potential rejection.
Sunk cost fallacy. After three months of emotional investment, walking away feels like waste. Even if the situation isn’t serving you, leaving feels harder than staying.
Hope for organic progression. Some people believe that if they just wait long enough, the relationship will naturally solidify without requiring an awkward conversation. Spoiler: it rarely does.
Enjoying the benefits. Some situationships suit people who genuinely don’t want commitment. They get companionship without obligation. For them, the ambiguity is a feature, not a bug.
Fear of asking too soon. The eternal question: when is the right time to define things? Too early and you seem needy. Too late and you’ve wasted months on someone who wants different things. Most people err on the side of “too late” indefinitely.
The Escape Routes
How do you get out of a situationship? Wisp users who’ve successfully navigated them offer several strategies:
The Direct Approach. Simply ask: “What are we?” It’s terrifying. It’s also the only way to get clarity. Most people report that even when the answer wasn’t what they hoped, the relief of knowing outweighed the disappointment.
The Soft Launch. “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, and I’m starting to develop feelings. I want to make sure we’re on the same page about where this is going.” Less confrontational than “what are we,” but achieves the same clarity.
The Timeline Method. Set a mental deadline. “If we haven’t defined this by [date], I’m walking away.” This prevents indefinite drifting and forces a decision.
The Action-Based Test. Suggest something that implies commitment—meeting parents, planning a trip months in advance, attending a wedding together. Their reaction tells you everything about their intentions without requiring a heavy conversation.
When Situationships Work
Not all situationships are traps. For some people, at some life stages, they serve a genuine purpose.
“I was in a situationship for eight months while I was finishing my PhD,” says Daniel, 30, from Edinburgh. “I genuinely didn’t have bandwidth for a full relationship. The situationship gave me connection and intimacy without the obligation of constant availability. We both knew what it was. It ended amicably when I moved for work.”
The key word there is “knew.” Functional situationships involve mutual understanding of the terms. Both people genuinely prefer ambiguity. Both people have the same expectations. The problems arise when one person is secretly hoping for more while the other is comfortable with less.
What Can You Do?
If you’re currently in a situationship and it’s causing you stress, Wisp’s community offers this advice:
Ask yourself what you actually want. Do you genuinely prefer undefined connections, or are you just afraid of asking for definition? Be honest with yourself.
Consider what you’re settling for. Is this person worth the anxiety? If they wanted to be with you properly, wouldn’t they have made that clear by now?
Have The Conversation. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it might end things. But continuing indefinitely in a situation that makes you unhappy is scarier.
Trust that clarity is kind. Even if the answer isn’t what you want, knowing allows you to move forward. Staying stuck helps no one.
Is There An Alternative?
Wisp was designed, in part, as an alternative to the situationship culture. The app encourages users to be clear about their intentions from the start. Looking for something serious? Say so. Prefer to keep things casual? Be upfront about it. The matching algorithm prioritises compatibility not just of interests, but of relationship goals.
“I got tired of situationships,” says Hugo, the London dater from earlier. “So on Wisp, I started putting in my profile that I was looking for a relationship, not a ‘let’s see what happens.’ The number of matches dropped, but the quality increased dramatically. I’m now dating someone who was equally clear about wanting something serious. No ambiguity. No guesswork. It’s refreshing.”
The situationship isn’t inherently evil. For some people, in some circumstances, it works. But if you find yourself in one that makes you unhappy—if you’re craving definition, security, clarity—you have options. The conversation you’re afraid to have might be the very thing that sets you free.
Either you’ll get the relationship you want. Or you’ll get the information you need to find someone who actually wants the same things you do. Both outcomes are better than indefinite limbo.