Forgotten how to flirt after years in a relationship? Beth from Bristol relearned the hard way. Her answers are awkward, funny, and surprisingly useful.
“I couldn’t even tell if someone was flirting with me,” she says. “A bloke at a coffee shop asked if the seat next to me was taken and I just said yes and moved my bag. He was trying to chat me up. I worked it out about three hours later in the shower.”
Six months and roughly thirty Wisp dates later, Beth reckons she’s cracked it. We sat down with her to find out what she actually learned.
You said you’d “forgotten” how to flirt. What do you mean by that?
It sounds dramatic but it’s real. When you’ve been with someone for years, you stop doing it. You don’t need to. Then suddenly you’re single and someone attractive is looking at you and your brain just… freezes. I remember my first Wisp date — lovely guy, great restaurant in Clifton — and I spent the whole evening talking to him like he was my GP. “And how are you finding things generally?” Mortifying.
So what changed?
I stopped trying to be smooth. That was the big one. I’d been watching dating content online where everyone’s all confident eye contact and perfectly timed compliments, and I thought that’s what flirting was. It’s not. Or at least, it wasn’t for me. The dates that went well were the ones where I just said what I was actually thinking. “I’m really nervous.” “You’re funnier than I expected.” “I have no idea what I’m doing.” Turns out honesty is incredibly attractive when everyone else is performing.
When Eye Contact Does the Heavy Lifting
People always say eye contact matters. Did you find that?
Massively. But not in the creepy, stare-into-their-soul way. It’s more about not looking away when you should hold it for a beat longer. Someone says something that makes you smile — hold that look for one extra second instead of glancing at your drink. That tiny moment does more than any clever line. Wisp data shows that people who maintain steady eye contact on first dates are 40% more likely to get a second one. I believe it completely.
What about compliments?
Specific ones only. “You look nice” does nothing. “That jacket is incredible, where did you find it?” — that starts a conversation. The best compliment I ever gave on a date was telling a guy he had a really distinctive laugh. He lit up. People want to feel seen, not just approved of.
The Stuff Nobody Tells You
What’s the worst flirting advice you got?
“Play hard to get.” Absolute disaster. I tried being aloof on one date and the poor man thought I wasn’t interested. He was lovely. I had to text him afterwards and explain that I was, in fact, very interested but had been acting like a weirdo because my friend told me to seem unavailable. He found it hilarious, thankfully. We went out again.
Any tips for people who are where you were six months ago?
Three things. First, lower the stakes. Not every date needs to be your future partner — some are just practice, and that’s fine. Second, ask questions you actually want to know the answer to. Not “what do you do?” but “what’s the best thing that happened to you this week?” Third, touch your own face less. I didn’t realise I was doing it until a friend pointed it out. Apparently I was basically hiding behind my own hands for entire evenings.
The Real Secret
If you could go back and tell yourself one thing before that first date, what would it be?
That flirting isn’t a skill you either have or you don’t. It’s just showing someone you’re interested and enjoying their company. That’s it. You don’t need lines. You don’t need moves. You just need to actually be present and let them see that you like being there. Everything else is noise.
Beth’s now seeing someone she met on Wisp three months ago. “He told me on our second date that he liked how I didn’t try too hard,” she says. “Which is funny, because I was trying incredibly hard. I was just bad enough at hiding it that it came across as genuine.”
If you’re rusty, you’re not alone. And if Beth can go from talking to dates like they’re her GP to landing someone who makes her laugh every day, there’s hope for the rest of us too.